"If You Have An Opionion, Express it Gently"

January 13, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“If you have an opinion, express it gently”

The news this week has been full of details, updates, and information about the senseless shooting last Saturday in Tucsan, Arizona in which six people were killed and several others wounded.   The twenty-two year old man. who is alleged to be the shooter, has a history of mental illness and acted in an obviously deranged manner.  Unlike many other mass shootings, however, the blame for this man’s actions has not been placed solely on his horrific choice to wound and kill.  Instead, the blame has been placed on politicians, journalists, commentators, and others who do not claim the same political convictions as Gabrielle Giffords, the Congressional Representative who was shot in the head.  The argument seems to be that hate and violence toward Giffords was encouraged through the “rhetoric” of people in government and the media.

Whether the alleged shooter was inspired by rhetoric or by his own mental illness, the way that people have chosen to speak to one another is not okay.  Hate has been expressed by people on both sides of the argument.  The very people who demand peace and acceptance are the ones expressing lack of tolerance and patience with others.

I watched an example of this through the Facebook dialogue of a friend this week.  She made regular comments about the anger she had toward the shooter in Tucsan, her disappointment with those who tried to explain his behavior on mental illness over encouragement, and the shame that all who don’t follow her political leanings should feel.  These are her opinions.  Fine.  We all have a right to our opinions.  Except, when you express your opinions in a public forum like Facebook, you have to expect that others may not agree with you and may decide to confront you and contradict.  That was the case with this dialogue.  It became very heated and confrontational.  The friend who made the original post only became more outspoken and took personal offense to the comments of others.  In the end, she was left quite hurt by a dialogue that could have been productive if it had been gently expressed.

This morning I watched a similar internet dialogue on an email list that I belong to related to parenting a child with sensory disorder.  A new member to the group posted a question about her four year old son and his preference to play with “girl toys” and socialize with girls rather than boys.  She said that she and her husband refuse to allow the child to play this way for fear that he will not have a proper sense of his self-identity as an adult.  Her question to the list was how to handle her son’s feminine leanings.  While this particular list tends to be very supportive and helpful, they weren’t today.  Several members jumped on this woman and accused her of being a homophobe.  Suggestions for helping her son through this stage, accepting his preference, or ignoring the behavior weren’t given.  Strongly worded criticism seemed to be the standard reply.   Only after the original poster wrote to the list’s moderator to express her deep sadness over being treated in this manner did the list members find out that the family lives in Dubai where social acceptance of homosexuality doesn’t exist for most.   The parents are living in fear that their child will become an outcast if his behavior is not “masculine”.  Understanding the cultural difference helped to calm the heated exchange, but the damage had already been done.  This woman is not likely to turn to that list again for support for her family or child.

Each of us is free to express our opinions - a right given to us by our First Amendment.  We do not have an amendment to our Constitution, however, that gives us the right to treat others with anger and hate.  We can disagree in ways that are gentle and kind hearted while still expressing our personal beliefs.  Some may laugh at those who wear WWJD jewelry but the purpose of the jewelry is to serve as a reminder to the wearer that we have a role model for our behavior and choices.  He taught us about compassion, kindness, and conviction.  We know what JWD.  What should you do?

Hope you enjoyed the read.