“A Half Empty Glass is Half Full – But is That Good or Bad?”

August 28, 2012

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“A Half Empty Glass is Half Full – But is That Good or Bad?”

A neighbor stopped by for a visit this evening and I found her timing to be quite appropriate.  Her two children had arrived a few minutes prior and my head was beginning to spin from the number of times that the younger (age 5) used the word “no” in my presence.  I hoped that neighbor’s arrival on the scene would cause him to add new words to his vocabulary such as “yes”, “thank you”, and “please” but no such luck.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate an appropriately timed “no”.  For example: “No, I shouldn’t have a second piece of cake”.   Or, “No, you don’t look a day over 31.”  But this child was using “no” to respond to every request made of him.  He used it this way:  “No”.  “No”. “No”.  And my favorite one, “No”.  The child tried to go in my house, ride his bike between two closely parked cars, and stick his finger up my daughter’s nose.  “No” was not the right answer. 

I guess he uses “No” at home frequently too because he tried it another 48 times on his mother and she didn’t really seem surprised (nor appalled).  Sister started using it too after seeing how successful her brother was with the exclamation.  Mom just kept shaking her head and saying, “They really need to go back to school.  I don’t know how we’ll get through this last week of vacation.  I guess I’ll have to start charging them quarters again when they are disrespectful.”

Well, I tried to stay out of that one but my tongue wasn’t thick enough for me to continue biting so I had to share some thoughts.  I kept my first thought to myself (“If charging them quarters before worked, they wouldn’t be doing it again now”).  But my second thought came out of my mouth before I could stop it.  And, in after-thought, I realized it really was a good idea and deserved sharing.  I told the mom, instead of charging them quarters when they misbehave maybe you should try filling a jar with $5.00 in quarters and taking one away every time they misbehave.  At the end of the week, give them the money that remains.

Why is this a better idea?  How many kids really have $85.50 in quarters lying around ready to be put in the “I was naughty and disrespectful jar”?  After they use up their $1.75 they can be as rude as they want without further penalty.  And what kid doesn’t see the incentive in “You get to keep whatever is left at the end of the week”?  Some may call it bribery.  I call it incentive.

Filling up a jar with a visual reminder of how disrespectful a child can be is simply that – a visual reminder of how disrespectful a child can be.  You don’t want a child to watch a glass fill up with their misbehavior as if they are getting credit for each poor choice.  Trying to keep the jar full of quarters by being well behaved and polite is a visual reminder of positive actions.  Sure, children will lose a few quarters here and there but they’ll want to keep it as full as possible.

A half-full jar of quarters is a half-full jar of quarters whether they all started there or whether they accumulated over time.  But the message in this approach to parenting is all about the reason why the quarters are in that jar. Do you want your children to get see their negatives building up or do you want them to realize they are letting a good thing slip away through their own choices.

Half Full.  Half Empty.  The label doesn’t matter but I know which way I’m planning to run it in my house! 

Now to go stock up on some quarters…

Thanks for the read!

It Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal

August 12, 2012

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“It Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal”

I should get “It Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal” tattooed on my wrist so I’ll see it every day, all day – kind of like a WWJD bracelet.  It’s easy for me to make things a big deal, things that others don’t care about at all.

We are wrapping up a very full weekend of family, friends, food, and fun as we celebrated my brother’s wedding to a wonderful girl.  As the wife of the Best Man, sister of the Groom, and mother of the Flower Girls, I had a few things to do this week.  While the list was long and detailed, I made every effort to remember “IDHTBABD” (“It Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal” for those who don’t own the stretchy rubber bracelet).

For example:

1.       Five people in the family attending three major events in three days meant a LOT of dress clothes.  Lots of dress clothes mean LOTS of ironing.  And I don’t iron.  I also don’t sew and I made sashes for the flower girl dresses that required a sewing machine before the iron.  My children had no idea what the electric gadgets I pulled out of the closet were called or what they did!  For as much as I don’t sew or iron frequently I tried to make the experience a bit less boring.  I took over the dining room as my sewing and ironing space.  Items were ironed between checks of my Facebook page.  I convinced my husband to take us out to dinner so I didn’t have to keep clearing the table. A clothing rack right next to the iron meant that I could hang items without carrying them around the house. With the AC and some music on, the process wasn’t too bad.  It took me several hours to complete all the tasks but I didn’t feel like I missed out on much – though I was trying to figure out how I could read a book and iron at the same time.  I never did find a way to do that!  It could have been a big deal, but the job didn’t have to be.

2.      Weddings are expensive.  The Best Man needed to rent a tuxedo.  I needed a few dresses.  Flower Girls needed dresses, shoes, hair.  Other kid needed a suit.  I’m sure that we could have gone out and purchased everything new but teachers don’t get paid in the summer time and the budget for “all new” just wasn’t there.   So we did what we could do the very best way our frugal minds know how.  Best Man rented a tuxedo.  I ordered two dresses online when my favorite store was having a great sale, had my sister pay for them with her store charge card for extra savings, and used a discount code for free shipping.  “Other kid” put together a “suit” using Hand-Me-Down pants and shirt from a dear church friend and a blue blazer that had belonged to my husband’s school band uniform closet.  The band switched to more casual uniforms and I grabbed three or four blazers for home before the rest were thrown away.  But the best savings was on the Flower Girl dresses.  Purchasing two new dresses would have cost a fortune!  Instead we re-used a beautiful First Communion Dress from last spring and added a navy blue sash to match the bridesmaids.  Because we had two Flower Girls, the problem of matching dresses was solved when we remembered that our daughter’s friend had the identical dress.  We asked, they shared, and we had two matching dresses.  Instead of going to the salon for updo’s, I did hair at home with a curling iron while they sat in front of the TV watching “Rio”.  Did I save money?  You betcha!  All those required clothes could have been a big deal, but we didn’t make is so.

3.      Bride and Groom demonstrated a great “It Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal” moment at the wedding when their unity candle wick refused to light.  They held their tapers to the wick for 30-40 seconds but I just wouldn’t ignite.  I’m sure it felt like forever to them (or at least 10 minutes)!  But they kept smiling and trying.  The priest went over and poured off some wax.  People in the pews did polite giggling (is that really possible?).  They tried and tried.  Groom wiped his brow and shrugged.  And the flame finally took!  Later in the day, the Best Man incorporated the story into his speech and shared the message that, despite the challenge, Bride and Groom didn’t give up.  They kept trying.  Bride didn’t cry and fuss that her special day was being ruined.  Groom didn’t get angry and walk away.  They kept trying.  And that’s what marriage is all about.  Meeting the challenges and not giving up.  Rather than make a candle a big deal, they used the experience to teach the rest of us about patience and persistence. It could have been a big deal, but it wasn’t.

4.      And a final example…we are a society with so much information at our fingertips.  That’s both a good and a bad thing.  In the case of this weekend’s festivities, the access to 7-day weather forecasting was not a good thing.  The forecasts predicted for a full week that Saturday would be very rainy and stormy. No bride wants a rainy wedding day!  And no mother of Flower Girls wants a rainy day.  How was I going to get the girls in/out of the car, in/out of the church, in/out of the reception without major rain damage to their dresses, shoes, hair, and mother?  I worried for days, made contingency plans, had poor sleep, on and on.  The morning of the wedding was very cloudy, overcast, and HUMID.  I got the children in the car and we started for the wedding – and, of course, it started to rain.  Hard.  Arrived at the church and the rain stopped, just like that.  2pm, the wedding procession began and the rain started to fall again.  Hard.  Lasted through the entire wedding.  Father gave the blessing, bride and groom kissed, recessional played and the rain stopped, just like that.   From that point forward, the day was sunny, breezy, and pleasant.  We even had a huge rainbow over the reception.  It was the type of day you would hope for.  The forecast didn’t have to be a big deal – we needed to trust that the wedding of wonderful people would be wonderful no matter what.  Just like that.

If I don’t write in my blog every week, it doesn’t have to be a big deal.  I can do it when I have time (haha!) or when I don’t have time but just feel like it.    Life doesn’t have to be a big deal.

I often mention that I try to include my friends somewhere in my blog entries.  This entry is dedicated to Audra.  She knows why.  Maybe you’ll find yourself in here sometime – give me some advice and we’ll see what we can do!

Thanks for the read.

"Don't let life take over"

Today's Bit of Advice....

"Don't Let Life Take Over"

Oh, blog, how I have missed you.  I've thought about you often over the last two months.  I've promised to call, promised to write, but I never did.  I've let you down.

I know I'm an excuse maker (and that is so cliche) but I really have had reasons to ignore you.  Let me list them for you (for, besides being an excellent excuse maker, I am also an excellent list maker):

1.  I am a wife.  He works hard to provide income for our family and he mows the lawn.  I provide clean clothes, warm meals, and serve as the family's personal "Google" by answering any and all questions.  I am expected to provide correct answers 24/7 in all topic areas.

2.  I am a mother of three children.  They do not provide income nor mow the lawn.  I, however, am expected to provide clean clothes, warm meals, and serve as their personal "Google".  I also serve them as nurse, chauffer, referee, shopper, maid, and barber/stylist,

3.  I own a large home.  It expects me to meet all of its needs.  Enough said.

4.  I teach music to 215 students grades preschool - 8 every week.  Eleven lesson plans taught in ten hours across two days.  That's right.

5.  I direct a school choir of 25 students that rehearses for 30 minutes a week and performs anywhere from two to six pieces each month.  

6.  I am a school board member at my daughter's school.  I also co-chair the Enrollment/Retention Committee, provide school tours, and work ten hours per week in the Development Office.

7.  I am currently chairing two fundraisers for the afore mentioned school.  One of them is next week.

8.  I teach private horn lessons to a few students.  The number of students changes quarterly so I never know exactly how many are still practicing.  Nothing new there.

9.  I am the past-president of a non-profit Board of Directors.  "Past" only in the sense that I stepped down last August after several years.  "President" in the sense that no one else stepped up and the seat is still vacant.  You know what that makes me now, right?

10.  I have to make sure our Russian Tortoise, Ivan, gets feed, walked, and bathed.  (Okay, this one is a stretch since he only eats every few days, doesn't walk anywhere, and gets a monthly splash in a bowl of water - and, he's currently hibernating)

I bet you are tired just reading that list.  I sure am.  And I'm tired when I'm not reading the list.  I'm just tired all the time.

I sat in church yesterday listening to the priest homilize (is that a real word?) about New Year's resolutions.  Too often, we set resolutions that are broken in the first week if not on the first day.  He encouraged us to set more realistic and positive resolutions that will really enhance our lives.  It caused me to think about how much I do for others and how little I do for myself.  During airplane safety demonstrations they always tell the parent to use the oxygen mask first and then place it on the child.  If the parent is not taken care of, he or she cannot care for the child.

I haven't been using the oxygen mask.  In fact, I may have been forgetting to breathe at all.

So, for today, the girls are off at a playdate and my son is at the movies.  I am in my home ALONE.  And I'm breathing.  I'm doing what I need to do to make myself feel rested, relaxed, and rejuvinated.  I'm taking care of me.

And it feels wonderful!

Thanks for the read.

"Finish What You Start"

October 18, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Finish What You Start”

Every night, as I’m lying in bed waiting to fall asleep, I take stock of my day – the good, the bad, the goals I have for my life, the things I wish I’d gotten done, and the half-finished projects I’ve abandoned.  I have a life pattern of working on many things at one time.  They all get finished eventually but I walk away from the projects too often to take care of more urgent work, to make dinner, or just to go to sleep as the night gets late.

Fortunately for me, I (almost always) finish those projects at some point.  I prioritize them by importance or due date and give myself a little shove to get it done.  Most of the time, it doesn’t take nearly the amount of effort or hours that I expect it will take.

I know some people who have half-finished projects that never come to completion.  Maybe they have too many great ideas and a lack of time or drive to get them done.  Maybe they only have the starting ideas but don’t know how to bring the rest of the project together.  Maybe they just forgot to finish.  Whatever the reason, use this advice as an impetus to look around and find out what you’ve let sit on the back burner for too long.  You know what happens to pots that boil dry?  They start to smoke and warp!

You are probably wondering how I came to choose this bit of advice today.  A friend from Facebook (who also has a blog) posted the following opening statement to her blog post today: “I have not written in a while – a LONG while.  Not because I didn’t want to, just didn’t have much to say”.  And that statement was so true for me in my life too.  I love writing this blog and I try to faithfully write at least once a week.  The fact that my last published blog post was on September 13^th (a month and five days ago) indicates a little problem to my faithful writing.  And, I included the words “published blog post” which should tell you something else.  I’ve written a few entries but didn’t actually finish them and didn’t post them.  I did want to write and publish the posts – I think I was too busy teaching and mothering to have anything left to say here.

What was that advice of mine?  Finish what you start? LOL

Thanks to my dear FB friend, I put fifteen minutes aside and got this blog post written and ready to post.  I have the beginnings of three more that I will aim to finish up in the next few days.  It really won’t take much to just buckle down and get those half-finished projects completed.  The hardest part is getting started and the rest just happens.

Try it.  I think you’ll be pleased with the result.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Don’t Stop Looking for Angels”

September 13, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Don’t Stop Looking for Angels”

When was the last time you saw an angel?  No, I don’t mean a picture of one in a children’s bible or on a Valentine’s Day card.  A real angel.    For most people the answer to this question is “never”.   I’ll admit it – I’ve never seen an angel with wings or multiple faces or a bright shiny aura.  But I have indeed seen angels and I know for a fact that their influence in our lives is indelible.

I’ve been thinking about the earthly presence of angels quite a bit lately.  Over the summer I started reading Debbie Macomber’s book “God’s Guest List; Welcoming Those Who Influence Our Lives”.  This modest book brings the reader to really think about those people who have made a difference in our lives.  People we know well, people we only meet for a brief moment, those who live among us, and those who have passed on.  Macomber describes these people as the ones that God has put on the guest list of the dinner party that is your life.  She challenges the reader to develop a list of thirty people who are on that guest list.  At first, I had some difficulty coming up with more than six or seven names but, as the summer went along (and I kept renewing the book from the library), I was able to see the influence of others that I had not initially considered.

We often overlook the presence of these angels in our lives.  Those people who have made permanent impacts on who we are and what we do.  It is no fluke that their paths have crossed with ours.  That’s the job of an angel.  Macomber writes in her summary that “often we don’t recognize the deep impact others have had and how God has used them to shape us into who we are.  By pausing to recognize these influences, we begin to grasp how God’s guest list has impacted our lives.  We begin to see the seeds of influence that have molded our values and character.”

We should never stop looking for the angels in our lives.

A colleague shared a story with me today about an encounter with an angel.  I’m not sure she even realized she had an angel in her presence but I knew immediately as she spoke about her experience.  She went to a new church on Sunday – one that was close to home, where she might see some familiar faces, and where the mass would not likely be much different from her usual setting.  But the presence of the priest at that church changed everything about her church experience that day.  His words about the readings on forgiveness brought meaning to her that she had never received before despite hearing the same readings many times over in the past.  He spoke directly to her as if none of the other people were in the room.  He impacted her life in a permanent way that created a deep and profound change to the way that she had been looking at a stressful and difficult situation.   He was the angel that she needed at this time.  He was the angel she almost didn’t recognize.

I had my own encounter with angels this week when the right rear tire of my car blew out while I was driving 55mph on the interstate during commuter traffic coming home from work.  I heard the sound of the blow out and quickly felt the tire flatten (and smelled the burning rubber!).  Pulling to the side of the highway, I started to run the situation through my mind. How would I meet the kids at the bus?  My roadside assistance expired last week – how will I get the tire changed?  Am I far enough off the road that I will be safe from traffic?

But I can honestly say that I was not stressed about the situation at any time.  How is that possible given the fact that I am stressed and anxious about pretty much everything in my life?

As I parked the car on the side of the road, I remember looking up and saying aloud “Lord, help me”.  I lowered my eyes and saw a car backing down the shoulder of the road toward me.  Before I could get out of the car to check the tire, a young man in his 20’s wearing an auto mechanic’s uniform came to my car and asked if he could help.   He was able to find and release the jack and spare tire, then began the process of removing my flat tire.  As soon as he ran into a problem (the flat tire would not come off the car), a DOT Help Truck pulled behind my car.  The driver had started his help patrol only 5 minutes before.  He was able to finish the job of changing out the tire and getting me on the way to the Tire Center.

There is no explanation for the almost instant appearance of these two men other than the presence of angels.  I didn’t get lucky and happen to get a flat tire in just the right place.  I was given a gift.

When my daughter was in Kindergarten, her entire school sang a song together at the Christmas Concert with a beautiful slideshow in the background.  I think I cried through the whole song because the combination of the pictures and music were so touching.  Every time I hear that song, I’m reminded to pay attention to those special people around us.  The ones who are sent to us and who we need to look for and recognize.

Don’t stop looking for angels.

 “I believe there are angels among us, sent down to us from somewhere up above.  They come to you and me in our darkest hours.  To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.  To guide us with the light of love.  Ain’t it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.  Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.  They wear so many faces; show up in the strangest places.  To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need.” – Alabama (1993)

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Always have a Co-Pilot”

September 5, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Always have a Co-Pilot”

Today is Labor Day and that means a picnic at the Barrow House for the family (my sister insists that we always host an event on Federal Holidays – LOL!)  In order to put together a dinner for the masses, however, I had to take a trip to the grocery store.  Not something I enjoy doing on a Federal Holiday.  Just too many people there with long checkout lines.  But, nonetheless, I had to get that shopping done so on I went.

I was only in the store just a few minutes when I noticed something I had never seen at the market before.  A man was shopping with a list on his ipad!  I always shop with a list too but mine is on a piece of scrap paper attached to a clipboard.  His was beautifully arranged by aisle with boxes to check off when items were safely placed into the cart.  And then he told me the best part of the ipad list – if his wife thinks of another item that needs to be picked up, she can log on to the list from home and add it while he is at the store.  How cool is that?

After getting all my groceries bagged up and deposited in the back of my car, I headed for home.  I live in a town that has the great distinction of being the home of the roundabouts.  If you aren’t familiar with roundabouts let me tell you about them.  Roundabout is a British word that describes a junction of two or more roads where traffic moves in one direction around a central island (Thanks Wikipedia for help with that definition).  Roundabouts are supposed to be safer for automobiles and pedestrians and most statistics do show that.  But, if you’ve ever driven through a roundabout, you may not think it’s the safest thing.  We got our first roundabout a few years ago and it took some time to get used to driving through it safely.  Since that first roundabout we have added many more in our town.  In fact, between my home and the grocery store, I have to drive through three roundabouts if I go one route and four if I go the other.  And there are more being built as I type.

Today, as I approached the second of the roundabouts on the trip home, I had to wait to enter as a car was making its way around the circle.  The driver appeared to be confused about where to go to access the interstate.  A woman in the passenger seat was straining to point out signs indicating the correct lane and exit.  She was using greatly exaggerated hand gestures to show the driver the way to go. (And, I must admit, she looked a mite nervous herself!).  Fortunately, the car and its passengers made it safely through the roundabout and were soon on their way to easier roads.

Once home I had many bags of groceries to unload, food to prepare, and a house to clean.  Despite the need to get these tasks done before my guests arrived, I had an important professional obligation to meet.  I went to my computer and wrote an email to a first year teacher at my school (oh, I did put away the frozen food first – priorities!).  She is very excited about her new job and I know she’ll do a fabulous job in the classroom but she’s really feeling pressure to prepare perfect lesson plans and perform like a veteran teacher on her first day of school.  This pressure is mostly self-imposed and is quickly wearing her out.  I decided to share some wisdom earned through my own attempts to be “perfect” in the classroom over the years.  I felt she needed to know that she was not alone in her efforts but that there are also other ways to approach a brand new teaching position.  I worded my email carefully to let her know that I would be happy to serve as a mentor for her if she chose.  She emailed me back a few hours later and was very appreciative for the advice.  I’m hoping the encouragement will be helpful to her.

So, what does all this have to do with my advice for today?  Always have a co-pilot.  Don’t trust your memory to retain all the items that you need to purchase at the store.  Trust me when I tell you that you will always forget something (and it will probably be the bread, milk, or eggs!).  Use a list – use an awesome list that others can update while you are at the store!  Don’t try to navigate a roundabout in an unfamiliar town.  You need a partner who can read the signs and point out the right paths.  Don’t try to go it alone at a new job.  Find a colleague who will hold your hand (figuratively, not physically) and keep you going straight.  It is important.  Really important.

Everyone needs a co-pilot.  We can try to go it alone but we will never have the success that a good co-pilot can provide.  Get yourself one.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

(Today’s installment brought to you through the inspiration of my friend, Mark.  Eventually all my friends will probably make it into my blog somewhere!)

“Spell Words Correctly”

August 1, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Spell Words Correctly”

This advice may sound a bit preachy or snobbish (or, more likely, hypocritical since I do have a close relationship with the automatic spell check and correct feature of my word processer).  I believe that there is a strong connection between an individual’s ability to spell words correctly and the perceived overall intelligence and wisdom of said individual.  You could have a very high IQ yet your inability to spell words correctly will lead others to believe that you are under-educated and they may not take you seriously.

For example:  I was just reading an essay about a woman who was cleaning her house.  She mentioned that she had spent the morning cleaning her cubbords and draws.  Whether you like it or not, you’ve created an image of this woman in your mind based on her ability to spell correctly.  (And if you still haven’t figured out what she was cleaning, re-read those words and say them out loud).

But is it really a spelling issue?  Perhaps it is a lifestyle issue.  Growing up, this woman’s family may have always pronounced the words as “cubbords” and “draws”.  We’ve just experienced an entire generation of children for whom spelling words correctly was not enforced.  The Whole Language Movement didn’t stress spelling as strongly as others aspects of language development.  Maybe the woman was just doing what she was taught.

It may be wrong of me but I use spelling errors as a guide in shopping for a deal.  When I was in the market to buy a good, used band instrument for our son I went to Craigslist and searched for a “saxaphone”.  If you don’t know how to spell it, you might also not know exactly what the value of the item really is. 

While poking around Craigslist I found many other items of interest like:
• Popozon chairs
• Armwars
• Steros
• A Shower Enclosurey

There are common spelling mistakes that many of us make from time to time like its vs. it’s, and effect vs. affect.   But adults really should know how to properly use accept vs. except, advice vs. advise, who’s vs. whose, then vs. than, etc.   

Two mistakes I often see that drive me really nuts are passed vs. past and quiet vs. quite.  I always cringe when I read “My grandma past away on Saturday.”  Or “I couldn’t get the kids to quite down.” 

I’m complaining about spelling errors but I have to admit that sometimes children’s spelling errors can be quite cute.   They spell words exactly the way they sound.  I was eating lunch in the staff room at school one day when a teacher brought in a paper written by a 3rd grade student.  The assignment dealt with foods that we eat at different meals.  The student had included “paskete” as a dinner food.  The teacher could not decipher the word and asked the other teachers at the table to give it a shot.  Took a few minutes but we got it.  Can you?

Hope you enjoyed the read!