“A Half Empty Glass is Half Full – But is That Good or Bad?”

August 28, 2012

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“A Half Empty Glass is Half Full – But is That Good or Bad?”

A neighbor stopped by for a visit this evening and I found her timing to be quite appropriate.  Her two children had arrived a few minutes prior and my head was beginning to spin from the number of times that the younger (age 5) used the word “no” in my presence.  I hoped that neighbor’s arrival on the scene would cause him to add new words to his vocabulary such as “yes”, “thank you”, and “please” but no such luck.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate an appropriately timed “no”.  For example: “No, I shouldn’t have a second piece of cake”.   Or, “No, you don’t look a day over 31.”  But this child was using “no” to respond to every request made of him.  He used it this way:  “No”.  “No”. “No”.  And my favorite one, “No”.  The child tried to go in my house, ride his bike between two closely parked cars, and stick his finger up my daughter’s nose.  “No” was not the right answer. 

I guess he uses “No” at home frequently too because he tried it another 48 times on his mother and she didn’t really seem surprised (nor appalled).  Sister started using it too after seeing how successful her brother was with the exclamation.  Mom just kept shaking her head and saying, “They really need to go back to school.  I don’t know how we’ll get through this last week of vacation.  I guess I’ll have to start charging them quarters again when they are disrespectful.”

Well, I tried to stay out of that one but my tongue wasn’t thick enough for me to continue biting so I had to share some thoughts.  I kept my first thought to myself (“If charging them quarters before worked, they wouldn’t be doing it again now”).  But my second thought came out of my mouth before I could stop it.  And, in after-thought, I realized it really was a good idea and deserved sharing.  I told the mom, instead of charging them quarters when they misbehave maybe you should try filling a jar with $5.00 in quarters and taking one away every time they misbehave.  At the end of the week, give them the money that remains.

Why is this a better idea?  How many kids really have $85.50 in quarters lying around ready to be put in the “I was naughty and disrespectful jar”?  After they use up their $1.75 they can be as rude as they want without further penalty.  And what kid doesn’t see the incentive in “You get to keep whatever is left at the end of the week”?  Some may call it bribery.  I call it incentive.

Filling up a jar with a visual reminder of how disrespectful a child can be is simply that – a visual reminder of how disrespectful a child can be.  You don’t want a child to watch a glass fill up with their misbehavior as if they are getting credit for each poor choice.  Trying to keep the jar full of quarters by being well behaved and polite is a visual reminder of positive actions.  Sure, children will lose a few quarters here and there but they’ll want to keep it as full as possible.

A half-full jar of quarters is a half-full jar of quarters whether they all started there or whether they accumulated over time.  But the message in this approach to parenting is all about the reason why the quarters are in that jar. Do you want your children to get see their negatives building up or do you want them to realize they are letting a good thing slip away through their own choices.

Half Full.  Half Empty.  The label doesn’t matter but I know which way I’m planning to run it in my house! 

Now to go stock up on some quarters…

Thanks for the read!