It Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal

August 12, 2012

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“It Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal”

I should get “It Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal” tattooed on my wrist so I’ll see it every day, all day – kind of like a WWJD bracelet.  It’s easy for me to make things a big deal, things that others don’t care about at all.

We are wrapping up a very full weekend of family, friends, food, and fun as we celebrated my brother’s wedding to a wonderful girl.  As the wife of the Best Man, sister of the Groom, and mother of the Flower Girls, I had a few things to do this week.  While the list was long and detailed, I made every effort to remember “IDHTBABD” (“It Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal” for those who don’t own the stretchy rubber bracelet).

For example:

1.       Five people in the family attending three major events in three days meant a LOT of dress clothes.  Lots of dress clothes mean LOTS of ironing.  And I don’t iron.  I also don’t sew and I made sashes for the flower girl dresses that required a sewing machine before the iron.  My children had no idea what the electric gadgets I pulled out of the closet were called or what they did!  For as much as I don’t sew or iron frequently I tried to make the experience a bit less boring.  I took over the dining room as my sewing and ironing space.  Items were ironed between checks of my Facebook page.  I convinced my husband to take us out to dinner so I didn’t have to keep clearing the table. A clothing rack right next to the iron meant that I could hang items without carrying them around the house. With the AC and some music on, the process wasn’t too bad.  It took me several hours to complete all the tasks but I didn’t feel like I missed out on much – though I was trying to figure out how I could read a book and iron at the same time.  I never did find a way to do that!  It could have been a big deal, but the job didn’t have to be.

2.      Weddings are expensive.  The Best Man needed to rent a tuxedo.  I needed a few dresses.  Flower Girls needed dresses, shoes, hair.  Other kid needed a suit.  I’m sure that we could have gone out and purchased everything new but teachers don’t get paid in the summer time and the budget for “all new” just wasn’t there.   So we did what we could do the very best way our frugal minds know how.  Best Man rented a tuxedo.  I ordered two dresses online when my favorite store was having a great sale, had my sister pay for them with her store charge card for extra savings, and used a discount code for free shipping.  “Other kid” put together a “suit” using Hand-Me-Down pants and shirt from a dear church friend and a blue blazer that had belonged to my husband’s school band uniform closet.  The band switched to more casual uniforms and I grabbed three or four blazers for home before the rest were thrown away.  But the best savings was on the Flower Girl dresses.  Purchasing two new dresses would have cost a fortune!  Instead we re-used a beautiful First Communion Dress from last spring and added a navy blue sash to match the bridesmaids.  Because we had two Flower Girls, the problem of matching dresses was solved when we remembered that our daughter’s friend had the identical dress.  We asked, they shared, and we had two matching dresses.  Instead of going to the salon for updo’s, I did hair at home with a curling iron while they sat in front of the TV watching “Rio”.  Did I save money?  You betcha!  All those required clothes could have been a big deal, but we didn’t make is so.

3.      Bride and Groom demonstrated a great “It Doesn’t Have to Be a Big Deal” moment at the wedding when their unity candle wick refused to light.  They held their tapers to the wick for 30-40 seconds but I just wouldn’t ignite.  I’m sure it felt like forever to them (or at least 10 minutes)!  But they kept smiling and trying.  The priest went over and poured off some wax.  People in the pews did polite giggling (is that really possible?).  They tried and tried.  Groom wiped his brow and shrugged.  And the flame finally took!  Later in the day, the Best Man incorporated the story into his speech and shared the message that, despite the challenge, Bride and Groom didn’t give up.  They kept trying.  Bride didn’t cry and fuss that her special day was being ruined.  Groom didn’t get angry and walk away.  They kept trying.  And that’s what marriage is all about.  Meeting the challenges and not giving up.  Rather than make a candle a big deal, they used the experience to teach the rest of us about patience and persistence. It could have been a big deal, but it wasn’t.

4.      And a final example…we are a society with so much information at our fingertips.  That’s both a good and a bad thing.  In the case of this weekend’s festivities, the access to 7-day weather forecasting was not a good thing.  The forecasts predicted for a full week that Saturday would be very rainy and stormy. No bride wants a rainy wedding day!  And no mother of Flower Girls wants a rainy day.  How was I going to get the girls in/out of the car, in/out of the church, in/out of the reception without major rain damage to their dresses, shoes, hair, and mother?  I worried for days, made contingency plans, had poor sleep, on and on.  The morning of the wedding was very cloudy, overcast, and HUMID.  I got the children in the car and we started for the wedding – and, of course, it started to rain.  Hard.  Arrived at the church and the rain stopped, just like that.  2pm, the wedding procession began and the rain started to fall again.  Hard.  Lasted through the entire wedding.  Father gave the blessing, bride and groom kissed, recessional played and the rain stopped, just like that.   From that point forward, the day was sunny, breezy, and pleasant.  We even had a huge rainbow over the reception.  It was the type of day you would hope for.  The forecast didn’t have to be a big deal – we needed to trust that the wedding of wonderful people would be wonderful no matter what.  Just like that.

If I don’t write in my blog every week, it doesn’t have to be a big deal.  I can do it when I have time (haha!) or when I don’t have time but just feel like it.    Life doesn’t have to be a big deal.

I often mention that I try to include my friends somewhere in my blog entries.  This entry is dedicated to Audra.  She knows why.  Maybe you’ll find yourself in here sometime – give me some advice and we’ll see what we can do!

Thanks for the read.