“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”

January 30, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice…

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”

If you are a dog who wants to live a long life…..Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

If you are a child who wants to have a happy mommy and daddy…. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

If you are a Russian Tortoise named Ivan and you want to keep receiving leaf lettuce on a daily basis… Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

We had a little problem here recently when our youngest child was feeding her pet tortoise, Ivan.  Instead of putting his lettuce on the plate and sitting back to watch him eat, she decided to hand feed it to him.  If you’ve ever watched a tortoise eat you know that they aren’t really very graceful.  They rip the food and shred it with their jaws.   His manners are atrocious.  Unfortunately, in his haste to gobble down his food, he bit our little one’s finger.  Not a deep bite or a deadly one, but she was very upset.  Suddenly, her beloved tortoise was not much a friend to her.

If you bite the hand that feeds you, you are likely to find people turning against you, not wanting to be in your company, and avoiding future feedings.

If you run a business that relies on personal, community, or corporate financial support…. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

I know I’ve altered the interpretation of this advice but it is every bit as applicable.  If you depend on others for the financial support of what you do, you have to treat them with respect, consideration, and kindness.  You can’t expect to “bite their hands” and still receive benefits.

I’ve been thinking about this a great deal lately as I’ve watched two situations of this nature.  The hand biting has gone on for some time (and the teeth are really sharp and pointy!).  As the hands are starting to close up and refuse to provide nourishment, you would think that the biter might get the hint to change his or her ways.  In these two situations, however, the offender has no idea that actual biting is taking place.  How that is possible is beyond my understanding but it appears to be the case.

If you don’t know you are biting the hand that feeds you, I guess you’ll be surprised when you stop getting fed.  Unfortunately, the two groups that benefit from these “feedings” are going to greatly suffer when the sustenance is reduced or removed.  There is no other source of food for them.

I gave Ivan a piece of my mind after he bit my baby.  The other two biters had better watch out as well.  This momma isn’t gonna back down and let you keep chomping away.  Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.  You might end up in Time Out!  And that’s not an idle threat.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Hold Yourself Responsible for What You Do”

January 25, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice…

“Hold Yourself Responsible for What You Do”

This has been on my mind quite a bit these days for a variety of reasons, mostly stories I have heard on the news.  Then I had a situation at school today that reminded me again about responsibility and accountability so I knew this would be my advice for the day.

I’m sure most everyone has now seen the infamous video that went viral last week – you know, the video of the lady texting on her phone who was so distracted that she fell into a mall fountain.  The same lady who decided to sue the mall for the dangerous placement of their fountain.   If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth a watch (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXYY_ep5Nh0&feature=fvwk).  In the interview the woman says that she is so embarrassed that all of America is laughing at her “accident”.  She always talks about how dangerous cell phones are.  I mean, after all, you could end up walking into a fountain.

The problem with the fountain incident is that the woman never says “I did something stupid”.  She doesn’t acknowledge that she chose to send a text while walking in the mall toward the fountain and that she took her eyes off of her surroundings.  Is the mall really responsible for her poor judgement?  Should they have tried to protect her?  I think not.   This woman needs to take responsibility for her decision. 

The State of New York seems to be working hard lately to pass legislation that helps New Yorkers stay safe from similar “dangers”.  We already have laws preventing us from talking on a cell phone or texting while driving. This sounds like a smart idea but I heard a study today that says there has actually been an increase in texting while driving accidents since this law was passed.  Why?  People are now texting under the dashboard, in the console area, or over the front seat into the back part of the car so the police don’t see their fingers at work.  Amazing, isn’t it?  We also have a law against trans fats in our commercial foods because it has been assumed that we can’t make nutritional decisions for ourselves.

But the new one I heard today was a real doozy (doozy?  Is that a real word?).   Senator Carl Kruger wants to impose a $100 fine on those who cross roads while listening to music, talking on a phone, or using a video game or personal organizer.  Really?  Check it out yourself: http://www.breakingnewsenglish.com/0702/070210-ipod.html

It all comes back to taking responsibility for yourself.   If you can’t do two things at once (see my previous blog on the benefits and challenges of multi-tasking), then you shouldn’t do it.  And, if you do something stupid, you need to own up to it and accept that you, and you alone, are at fault.

Hold Yourself Responsible for What You Do.

I said that this came to mind while I was at school today.  Before you start to wonder which of my colleagues walked into a fountain or tried to cross the parking lot while listening to an ipod, it wasn’t anything like that.  I had to hold myself responsible for a situation and do the right thing.  I had a student come to me and share some troubling information about his life at home including some details of possible abuse.  I was very careful in my questions and comments during our conversation and was able to get quite a bit of information from him that he hadn’t shared with many others because he was afraid of the consequences.  When our conversation was over I was left feeling quite troubled and sad for this child.

This isn’t the first time I have had this type of situation happen – I guess children think I’m a good listener and a trustworthy adult.  But I am also a “Mandated Reporter” in the state of New York as all teachers are.  I have a responsibility to follow up on this type of discussion.   I am not allowed to ignore it even though I’d like to think that what happened was a one-time event with no future implications.  I did what I have been trained to do and, hopefully, the situation will be improved for this child.  The troubling part for me, though, is that he told me that at least one other adult already knew about some of what had happened and didn’t follow up with the questions that needed to be asked to get the details that I learned.  The “responsible” action didn’t occur.

Hold Yourself Responsible for What You Do.  For the stupid things and the smart things.  It’s just that simple.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Multi-task every chance you get, except when you shouldn’t”

January 22, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Multi-task every chance you get, except when you shouldn’t”

Another bit of advice filled with conflicting messages.  Sorry about that.  A blog full of advice should just give you quick, practical messages that you can apply today.  Well, let’s see how quick and practical I can make this.

Multi-task every chance you get.  Our days only have 24 hours in them and we are told we should sleep at least seven of them away.  The other 17 hours are important.  I like to get as much done in those hours as possible and to do that I need to multi-task.

Like tonight (I always write my blogs before I go to bed)…. I needed to organize the awards for my son’s Cub Scout Pack, pay bills, balance the checkbook, and catch up on some TV.  So I found a way to put it all together.  The wireless allowed me to take the computer to the dining room table where I took care of all the finances and Cub scout stuff on my Excel files on the right side of the screen.  I’ve had www.hulu.com playing on the left side of the screen.  Doing the two things at once was really smooth.  So, I figured, throw in a third task.  I’ve had a stack of blank CD’s that needed burning staring at me so I turned on my itunes and started burning.  Excel, hulu, and itunes -   Multi-tasking going well! 

When I can take my focus and use it effectively on multiple items, I can really get stuff done.  With that said, there are times when I realize that multi-tasking isn’t a good idea.  When I’m making a new recipe, I have to focus on my quantities and measurements.   When I am reading with my children, I need to focus on the story and the child.  When I play piano, I need to stay in the music so I play the right notes and rhythms.

There are safety reasons for staying focused on only one task at a time too.  For example, trying to read or send a text while driving is never a good idea.  Nor is shaving, putting mascara on, or playing trombone while driving (no, I haven’t tried that one).  Keeping the car safely on the road is the goal and the rest can wait until you get to your destination. 

This quick, practical message is easy to apply to your life.  If you can only do one thing at a time with success, stick to one thing.  If you can do two things at once with success, go for it.  If you can do five things at once with success, you can probably beat me in a multi-tasking contest.  But safety and quality always come first.

Now, I have to get back to my show.  I’m watching “The Bachelor” on hulu while I write this blog and he’s about to hand out the roses.  I’d hate to miss a minute of it!

Hope you enjoyed the read!

"Don’t Count Your Chickens, But Count Your Chicken Wings”

January 21, 2011

I love this bit of advice.  I was contemplating my day, and thinking about the wisdom I might have acquired, when this bit just came to me.  I knew I had to share it with you.

Today’s Bit of Advice…..

"Don’t Count Your Chickens, But Count Your Chicken Wings”

Don’t count your chickens.  Don’t plan on having a snow day off from school until you hear the man announce it on the radio.  Don’t spend your birthday money until it shows up in the card.  Don’t buy a dress for a wedding until you get the invitation. 

How many times do we start to count our chickens before they hatch?  Our mothers and grandmothers would remind us to be careful of that practice but it’s easy to do.  We want things to happen (or not happen) and we almost believe we can make them happen if we think about it often enough or wish it hard enough.  But those chickens won’t hatch unless they are meant to hatch.  All the wishing and thinking won’t hatch them quicker or more successfully. 

That said, make sure you count your chicken wings.  Huh?  How is this connected?

I was the Hot Lunch Lady at the kids’ school today.  (In case you haven’t heard my discuss my volunteer lunch position before make sure your read my title with emphasis on the word “HOT”.  I’d much rather be the HOT lunch lady than the hot LUNCH lady – LOL).  I only do lunch once a week and I try to pick the days when they serve foods that aren’t too popular.  That way I have fewer plates to fill.  (Note:  Don’t ever sign up to help on pizza day).  Today’s menu was Chicken Wings or Hamburger.  The restaurant that delivers the food puts an indication on the top of each container of how many items to put on a child’s plate.  The chicken wings container said “5 per plate” so that was what we did – for the first lunch period.  Then we started looking skeptically at the remaining wings and counting up the orders for the next two lunch periods.  Five per plate?  Hmmm…..  Didn’t look like we would make it.  I put on a food service glove and started sorting and counting wings.  20, 30 , 40, 50, 55, 58 wings.  And we needed 85.  Uh, oh.

We started making Plan B and decided we had enough to give three wings to each child in the next two lunch periods hoping the first group wouldn’t tell that they had received more.    Sounded like a plan that would work out well.   Except one boy forgot to bring a lunch today.   Well, let’s give him three wings and we’ll split someone’s goldfish crackers cup into two helpings to share.  We had just enough extra wings for him and the remainder was exactly the number we would need for the rest of the children.  All good, right?  Until a lovely young girl dropped her plate on the floor.  We had nothing left to give her.  The other mom said (jokingly) “we could just rinse them off.  They were only on the floor for a few seconds.”  Though we knew it was a joke, the rest of us actually thought about it a few minutes.  In the end, we found there was one extra hamburger leftover and we substituted that for the wings.  Problem solved.

The restaurant should have counted their wings.

We should have counted the wings before starting to serve.

Everyone should count their wings before starting a project, making a purchase, taking a trip, etc.  Make sure you have what you need and a little extra.  It’s good advice.

Who knew that chickens would provide such inspiration today?

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Everybody needs a wife”

January 20, 2011

This blog is a short one and you’ll see why.

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Everybody needs a wife”

By “everybody needs a wife” I don’t really mean you need a married female partner.  (Well, I sort of do but that’s a different blog).  What I mean is that everybody needs somebody to serve as a wife to them.  That’s pretty much what I spent all day doing.  I was a “wife” to lots of people. 

I spent four hours at my daughters’ school under the auspices of giving tours for enrollment purposes.  But since we only had four visitors to the school, I really spent the day at the beck and call of the enrollment chair, the principal, the school secretary, the development office, the lunch coordinator, and a bunch of other folks.  I executed, I designed, I decided, I enabled, I abled.  Mostly I made everyone else’s lives a bit easier without breaking a sweat.

Before I went to the school, of course, I played wife to everyone at home.  I polished shoes, made lunches, prepared dinner, packed backpacks with snow clothes, took calls, and did some dusting.

Also, before going to school, I took care of some important emails for a group in which I am the Chair of the Board of Directors.  That title sounds fancy.  Just means I am someone else’s “wife” and do their bidding.

After finishing up at the school today I took a child to a piano lesson (I’m his “wife the chauffeur”), helped with homework and an online math test, made dinner, cleaned up from dinner, and put piano lesson boy into a concert outfit for his band concert. Again, no sweat.

From there I attended a meeting back at the school where I am a member of the school board (haha – another board, another wife position).  I take the minutes for the board and take care of anything needing taking care of.  I think people like all my wifely duties.

Get yourself a wife.  She can really help you out and make your life easier.  In fact, get two – the Mormons used to think that was a good idea as well.

As for me, if I don’t finish up this blog quick and get to bed, my husband is going to have a fit.  You see, he can’t fall asleep without his wife by his side.  My wife job is just never done!

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Dreams say a lot about the dreamer – or do they?”

January 19, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Dreams say a lot about the dreamer – or do they?”

I am a dreamer.  I dream a lot, I remember my dreams in the morning, and I like to look for meaning in them.  I really enjoying the dreams I have and they are rarely scary nightmares.  That said, I realize I am probably not in the majority.

My husband dreams every night as he is falling asleep and I can tell exactly when the dream starts.  Not because he gets a cute smile on his face.  Because he reacts physically to his dreams by jerking his arms and legs.  I know better than to try to fall asleep before him because he will just wake me up with the crazy movements.  I know to wait him out.  His dreams in the middle of the night are very physical too.  He frequently has to wrestle people, fight over weapons, or strangle bad guys all while sleeping.  He’s a multi-tasker.  I know when he’s saving our family from evil because he starts to breath fast, yell, and grab at things.  One night he almost pulled the lamp off the bedside table and on to himself. His dreams might tell you that he is a physical person who will take care of us in case bad guys break in.

Our kids are physical dreamers too, but not the way their father dreams.  They like to walk around the house while they dream searching for a rest room.  Not a one can find the room, though, without adult guidance.  Sometimes I wonder how long they will wander before an accident (or the bathroom kind) occurs.  We haven’t waited them out with a stopwatch. Their dreams might tell you that they drink too much water before bed.

My sister used to do a little sleep dream walking when she was younger (much younger!) too.  I remember her running downstairs a time or two in the middle of the night.  She also had a monster episode in which he was pinching her toes.  We could not convince her otherwise and she went back to sleep.  I don’t think she remembered much of that in the morning, thank goodness.  Her dreams might imply that her legs fall asleep along with the rest of her body.

Both my parents have dreams where they call out or talk during the night.  Not every night, but enough that it isn’t a one-time event.  My mother had one this week that woke my dad (and he sleeps pretty well).  He tried to shake her out of the bad dream but had very little luck.  Finally he got her roused enough that he could tell her to “get up and walk around”.  Didn’t even offer to walk with her  - what a guy!  J  When they were first married, he had a dream where he called out “You burned the roast!!”.  My poor mother (who is really a very good cook) had a little bit of a complex about roasts for a while after that.  Their dreams tell you that my dad needs to be careful what he says in the middle of the night. (Disclaimer:  I didn’t ask my parents if I could share their nocturnal discussions with all of you.  Hope they won’t mind!)

My dreams rarely result in physical or verbal outburst and I have never done any night walking.  I just go to sleep, get into a good dream, stay there a few hours, then wake up.  I seem to have good control over my dreams and can change the course of the dream at will.  I love being able to remember the dreams in the morning as they give me good ideas for stories I want to write.  I really love dreaming.  My dreams suggest that I am at peace and calm while I sleep (yup!)

But, I can’t finish this blog post without telling you where the impetus for today’s Bit of Advice came from.  I have a dear choir friend who has worked really hard to get her name in my blog.   She sent me the details of her dream from two nights ago with the hopes that I would be inspired to write about it here.   Knowing her, she may have even made up the dream just to get her name in print (haha!).  She said her dream was about a new choir I put together that didn’t include her.  Many of the women in the choir were appalled that she had not be included.  They tried to get her to join anyway along with some guy named Fred (whom I do not know).  One woman decided to hold a protest and not rehearse the music and, sure enough, ruined the concert later when she missed her entrance.  Then my friend woke up.  Neither of us knows what this dream means.  Maybe she doesn’t feel skilled enough to be part of our choir.  Or that the other choir members support her more than me.  Or that we need to find a “Fred” to join us.  Regardless, her dreams tell you that she’s obviously eating too much spicy food before bed. LOL!

No matter what you dream, or how you respond to your dreams, enjoy the dreaming process.  The good dreams are inspiring and motivating.  The bad dreams aren’t real and you can throw them away in the morning.  Just don’t hurt anyone while your thrash around. 

Glad I could let my friend inspire this post and she’ll be thrilled to see her name in print. (I did put her name in the blog somewhere, right???)

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“To Tell Or Not To Tell – That is the Question”

January 18, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice…..

“To Tell Or Not To Tell – That is the Question”

I know this advice sounds a little deceptive.  I hear my children in whispers all the time wondering “should we tell Mom or not?”.  And I always know something bad has happened and someone doesn’t want to get blamed for it.

But today’s advice really isn’t that deceptive or devious.  It’s about shopping – something I did a lot on my annual Martin Luther King Jr.’s Birthday trip to the outlet malls in Lake George.  My mother, sister, and I go every year on this day and have a wonderful time.  We shop, have a great lunch, and forget about how much we are spending for one day (well, I forget about it anyway).

I’m very frugal and I worry about every dollar I spend.  Letting loose with my quarters and dimes doesn’t come naturally for me but I’m pretty good at it on this one day a year.  I think I did quite well this year.  My sister talked me into getting a down vest, I talked myself into some rubber rain boots, I splurged on some cute gold sparkle shoes for the girls (shh, I might save those for Christmas gifts), got myself a great purse and wallet, picked up a bracelet, and grabbed some kitchen stuff.  I think there may be a few more things in my bags that I have yet to unpack yet too!

So my bigger dilemma is…. Do I tell my husband all that I bought or just integrate the items slowly into my daily life?  He noticed the down vest because I wore it home and he’s sharp that way.  I had to model the rubber boots for him and he seemed to like those okay too.  But, do I have to point out the new purse and wallet yet or could they just appear sometime?  How about the bracelet?

Do I have to tell my husband how much money I spent or can I just tell him how much money I saved?  After all, this was outlet shopping and we hit some really big sales.  My new purse was 75% off and then I used an additional $5 off coupon.  Can I tell him I saved over $45.00 just on that one item?

To tell or not to tell – that is the question.  I don’t know if my “advice” for you today is really advice or just something for you to consider and decide for yourself.  I think I am going to go with the slow integration of purchases and discussion of my savings.  Seems like the best thing to do in this house.   But how about you?  How do you handle this?  I look forward to your thoughts.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Invest in traditions – They are the glue that holds the pieces of life together”

January 15, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice……

“Invest in traditions – They are the glue that holds the pieces of life together”

Tradition!  Tradition!  I love that song from “Fiddler on the Roof” when the father, Tevye, sings about the traditions that shape his Jewish culture and faith.  Traditions bind the family and community together and give a sense of stability and peace.

I am a huge fan of tradition.  Maybe even too attached to tradition sometimes.  I remember craving repetition and continuity right from an early age and I have always rebelled against change. Tradition makes me feel good. 

There are many things that become part of our family traditions – foods, celebrations, music, activities.  Some families have more traditions than others but each of us can find a least a few traditions that are an important part of life.

In thinking about the traditions important to me and my family I came up with an interesting list to share:

·         Christmas decorations – the fancy tree topper with colored lights we used when I was a child (we affectionately named it the “Polish Star” but I have no idea why), special ornaments I made as a child that had to be hung on the tree, a special nativity set given to us as a wedding gift.

·         Continuing with the Christmas theme – attending Midnight Mass, eating scrambled eggs and cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning, and playing “Peg’s Christmas Envelope Game” on Christmas Day to win lottery scratch-offs or cash.

·         Thanksgiving – my childhood was filled with special Thanksgiving traditions at my grandmother’s farm.  The food stands out as the biggest tradition:  Boiled oysters, creamed onions, dinner mints, Suet Pudding, and at least a dozen pies.  Fruit Salad was the most important traditional food (as memorialized in a book my sister wrote about Thanksgiving while in elementary school – she mentioned the Fruit Salad at least ten times!).  As times changed, so did our Thanksgiving traditions.  While the food remains mostly the same, where we eat it has changed.  Instead of gathering on Thanksgiving Day as an extended family, we now get together the day after for a variety of events that have become our new traditions.

·         Easter – It wouldn’t be Easter Sunday with “Simone’s Easter Bread”, some marshmallow Peeps, and a drive in the country.

·         The Catholic Church is a set of traditions unto itself and some of my important traditions take place there too.  My family has sat in the front pew at our church for forty years.   If someone else sits there and we have to relocate it feels very strange.   For many years, it was also a tradition for us to stop at the Golden Krust Bakery after mass for donuts.  Still feels funny now to only have the after church donuts on a rare occasion.

·         Music can become a tradition.  Before September 11, 2001 it was tradition to hear “Take Me Out To the Ballgame during the 7^th inning stretch.  Now we’ve become accustomed to hearing  “God Bless America” at that time (well, at least you do if you’re a Yankees fan!).  I remember several years ago when I attended a local rodeo and they asked the spectators to stand for the National Anthem.  Of course, my ears prepared to hear the “Star Spangled Banner”.  But, I guess, in rodeo the tradition is to perform  “God Bless USA” first.  Sort of like the overture to our National Anthem.  That was one tradition I wasn’t prepared for but have come to enjoy.

·         How we cook is another area of tradition.  I have certain casserole dishes I use for specific recipes.  I was thrilled the day I found an ugly,  oblong casserole dish at a garage sale for $1.00.  It was the same dish my mom always used for lasagna and apple crisp.  Those foods just don’t taste right in any other container.  I remember reading a story one time about a family who traditionally cut the end off the roast before cooking because “Grandma” did and it made the roast taste better (though they couldn’t explain why).  One day, someone asked “Grandma” why cutting the end off the roast made such a difference and she laughed, “I only cut the end off because the roasts were too long for my pan!”.  Traditions can make us do strange things.

When times are hard and life takes too many turns, it is a blessing to be able to fall back on the constancy of traditions for comfort.  Traditions remind us that no matter how much things change, certain things will remain constant.

Oh, and the reason I chose this Bit of Advice for today?  I’m spending Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday on my annual MLK Outlet Shopping Trip with my mother and my sister.  We spend the day at the outlet’s in Lake George and have lunch at the Montcalm Restaurant where we dine on quiche and delicious scones with strawberry jam.  We go every year.  It’s tradition.  I love it!

Thank goodness for traditions.  “Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as….. as a fiddler on the roof!”

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Tell Your Story Lest Others Forget You”

January 15, 2011

I had a very moving experience today while standing in our local Catholic goods store.  When I thought through my day to develop my bit of advice, it was clear to me that I needed to write about that experience so…

Today’s Bit of Advice……

“Tell Your Story Lest Others Forget You”

I went to the Catholic goods store to look for a book for my son.  They have quite a few books and other written resources crowded together in the small store so I spent a bit of time searching for the book I was interested in purchasing.  I didn’t find what I went there to buy but found something else very special instead.

One rack of books was labeled “Local Authors” and included books by Sr. Anne Bryan Smollin, Fr. Joseph Girzone, Fr. James Walsh, and many more.  Mixed in was a small purple book with only 18 pages.  It had a picture of a priest blessing a First Communicant’s rosary on the cover.  Even before I saw the title of the book I knew who the priest was and knew I needed to buy the book.  The title of the book was “How I Grew Up To Be A Priest – The Story of Father Jim” and the priest on the cover was Fr. Jim Cribbs.

Fr. Cribbs (or “Father Jim” as he was referred in the book) was born in 1962 in Sidney, Upstate NY in a faith-filled family of five children. His father was a mailman and his mother stayed home to raise the children.  Jim played Little League, was a Cub and Boy Scout, collected stamps, marched in the band with his saxophone, loved to garden, and had a loving relationship with the Lord.  In 1990, after much prayer and excitement, he was ordained a Roman Catholic priest.

One of Fr. Cribbs first assignments as a priest was at my church in Albany County.  I remember how happy he was when he celebrated mass.  He loved his vocation and it was much more than a job or career.  Everyone who came in contact with Fr. Cribbs was caught in his enthusiasm.  After a few years, the Bishop chose to move Fr. Cribbs to another parish to gain new and different experiences.  I ran into him a few years later at a diner where he was having lunch with friends and he was still the same loving and happy man.  I didn’t know it at the time but that would be my last conversation with him.  In January 1998, I sang with our choir at his funeral. He was 36 years old.

How do I know so much about Fr. Cribbs’ life?  Until today, I only knew he was from Sidney, NY and was a wonderful man who served my church for several years.  The book I found at the store told me about Fr. Jim’s childhood, teenage years, and the experiences that happened to him throughout his life that brought him to become a priest.  He was able to share in the book the joy that his vocation brought him.  Fr. Cribbs didn’t expect to die at age 36.  We are fortunate that he took the time to write about his life while he had the chance. 

Tell your story lest others forget you.

I hadn’t thought about Fr. Cribbs in a few years.  I regret to say that I had started to forget him.  When I saw the book on the shelf at the store so many memories came flooding back to me and it was as if he was still with us.

A few years ago I become affiliated with a company called Heritage Makers, a company based in Salt Lake City that helps people to “storybook” their lives.  Storybooking is the process of preserving a story and pictures together.  The Heritage Makers mission is to make sure that no person’s life is ever forgotten.  Their philosophy is “a story not told is a story lost”.  During my time with Heritage Makers I had the opportunity to write the story of my grandmother’s family farm, my great-great grandfather’s story about his life as a professional baseball player, and the story of my parent’s 40 year marriage among others.  Every heritage story I write brings me a sense of peace that another person’s legacy will be preserved.  As one of my family’s genealogists, I still have many stories left to write and I hope to put as many as possible on paper. (Though in this digital age, it is more likely I will put the stories on “the word processor” – LOL)

I keep a journal that I write in every night before bed.  I currently have six completed years of entries and started year seven on January 1^st.  I don’t know if I will have time to write my story in more detail, or produce a book like Fr. Cribbs, but I know that my daily entries will at least serve as a bit of a story.

It doesn’t matter if you think you are a good writer.  You can just jot notes on paper.  Save letters you or others have written.  Keep a journal.  Write a blog.  Write about your life.  Write about the lives of those you love.  Every little bit counts. 

Tell your story lest others forget you.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

"If You're Going To Do It, Do It Right"

January 14, 2011

Today’s bit of advice is sponsored by my husband who is working hard to improve his diet and overall health.  The rest of the family is now obliged to listen to his daily lecture about our unhealthy eating habits and why he will outlive all of us.  Tonight’s recommended change to our diet was that the whole family must switch to wheat bread.  No more PB& J on white bread.  Bummer.  However, he gets his nutritional advice from a variety of hiking magazines that don’t always supply all the information one needs to make the right food choices.

Thus today’s Bit of Advice…..

“If you’re going to do it, do it right”

If you are going to eat wheat bread for the health benefits of increased fiber, lowered blood pressure, and a reduction in your cholesterol then you must make sure that your bread lists whole wheat flour as the first ingredient.  Just listing wheat flour is not enough.  You also want to avoid breads that include lots of words you can’t pronounce that end with –ose and –ase.  If you are going to do it, do it right.

A few more examples:

Don’t do your grocery shopping with proper planning.  Some people recognize that they need to shop for food and make the time to go to a store.  Once there they wander the aisles looking for items that appear tasty or that they think they might need.  They get home and try to put a meal together only to realize that they don’t have a full set of ingredients for anything.  And back to the store they go.  All the time.  If you are going to go to the store, take the time to plan out a few meals (even if you don’t know which days you will eat them), put the ingredients on a list, and take the list with you.  Your family will thank you, your stomach will thank you, and your wallet will thank you.  If you are going to do it, do it right.

On the food topic – If you are going to eat almonds for their reported health benefits, don’t buy the ones labeled “Honey and Cinnamon Almonds”.  I know, I know.  The Honey Cinnamon Almonds taste better.  How do I know this?  Well, you can figure it out.  Ten almonds a day is the recommended amount for blood pressure and cholesterol reduction.  The Honey Cinnamon Almonds go down so easily that you can easily eat 40 or 50, but the health benefits are then lost by the additional fat and sugar.  Just get the plain almonds and stop at ten.  If you are going to do it, do it right.

How about this one?  Want to avoid every having to tidy up your home?  Just put things away where they belong.  Sounds so simple and it is.  Don’t set something next to its assigned spot.  Put it away properly.   Do the laundry and put it away where it belongs.  Getting it into a laundry basket and setting on the stairs does not count.  Change your clothes after work and leave them on your bed or floor?  Nope.  Put the where they belong – either back in your closet or in the hamper.  Walk items to where they belong instead of half way there.  You open the mail at the kitchen counter, glance at it, then leave it there.  Right?  Recycle that junk mail as soon as it is opened.  Put the bills in your bill pile.  Add informational mail to your calendar.  Otherwise you have to touch that mail all over again.  If you are going to do it, do it right.

Life gives us 24 hours a day and seven days a week.  I, for one, don’t have time to do my work twice.  Some days I don’t even have enough time to do my work once!  If I am going to do something, I need to do it right.

Jump on the wagon with me.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

"If You Have An Opionion, Express it Gently"

January 13, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“If you have an opinion, express it gently”

The news this week has been full of details, updates, and information about the senseless shooting last Saturday in Tucsan, Arizona in which six people were killed and several others wounded.   The twenty-two year old man. who is alleged to be the shooter, has a history of mental illness and acted in an obviously deranged manner.  Unlike many other mass shootings, however, the blame for this man’s actions has not been placed solely on his horrific choice to wound and kill.  Instead, the blame has been placed on politicians, journalists, commentators, and others who do not claim the same political convictions as Gabrielle Giffords, the Congressional Representative who was shot in the head.  The argument seems to be that hate and violence toward Giffords was encouraged through the “rhetoric” of people in government and the media.

Whether the alleged shooter was inspired by rhetoric or by his own mental illness, the way that people have chosen to speak to one another is not okay.  Hate has been expressed by people on both sides of the argument.  The very people who demand peace and acceptance are the ones expressing lack of tolerance and patience with others.

I watched an example of this through the Facebook dialogue of a friend this week.  She made regular comments about the anger she had toward the shooter in Tucsan, her disappointment with those who tried to explain his behavior on mental illness over encouragement, and the shame that all who don’t follow her political leanings should feel.  These are her opinions.  Fine.  We all have a right to our opinions.  Except, when you express your opinions in a public forum like Facebook, you have to expect that others may not agree with you and may decide to confront you and contradict.  That was the case with this dialogue.  It became very heated and confrontational.  The friend who made the original post only became more outspoken and took personal offense to the comments of others.  In the end, she was left quite hurt by a dialogue that could have been productive if it had been gently expressed.

This morning I watched a similar internet dialogue on an email list that I belong to related to parenting a child with sensory disorder.  A new member to the group posted a question about her four year old son and his preference to play with “girl toys” and socialize with girls rather than boys.  She said that she and her husband refuse to allow the child to play this way for fear that he will not have a proper sense of his self-identity as an adult.  Her question to the list was how to handle her son’s feminine leanings.  While this particular list tends to be very supportive and helpful, they weren’t today.  Several members jumped on this woman and accused her of being a homophobe.  Suggestions for helping her son through this stage, accepting his preference, or ignoring the behavior weren’t given.  Strongly worded criticism seemed to be the standard reply.   Only after the original poster wrote to the list’s moderator to express her deep sadness over being treated in this manner did the list members find out that the family lives in Dubai where social acceptance of homosexuality doesn’t exist for most.   The parents are living in fear that their child will become an outcast if his behavior is not “masculine”.  Understanding the cultural difference helped to calm the heated exchange, but the damage had already been done.  This woman is not likely to turn to that list again for support for her family or child.

Each of us is free to express our opinions - a right given to us by our First Amendment.  We do not have an amendment to our Constitution, however, that gives us the right to treat others with anger and hate.  We can disagree in ways that are gentle and kind hearted while still expressing our personal beliefs.  Some may laugh at those who wear WWJD jewelry but the purpose of the jewelry is to serve as a reminder to the wearer that we have a role model for our behavior and choices.  He taught us about compassion, kindness, and conviction.  We know what JWD.  What should you do?

Hope you enjoyed the read.

"If the ring fits, wear it"

January 12, 2011

You know the expression “If the shoe fits, wear it”?

Today’s Bit of Advice is……

“If the ring fits, wear it”

I own a large jewelry armoire that is about 97% full.  The lovely new pieces of jewelry I received for Christmas as still sitting in boxes on top of the armoire because I don’t have spots for them.  In fact, the jewelry I got for my birthday last summer and for Christmas in 2009 is still in boxes on top of the armoire too.  As I was putting away the jewelry I wore to work today I started looking through some of the pieces I own and thinking about where they came from, how long I have owned then, and any associated memories.  I have pieces that range from very new to my First Communion cross necklaces.  Some of the pieces I purchased for myself, some were gifts from my husband, and some were given to me by others.  It is a rare piece that I do not remember from whom it was given.  In addition to the pieces given to me as gifts I also own quite a few pieces of jewelry that belonged to family including my mother,  grandmother, and three great aunts.

But the problem is that I don’t wear 93% of my jewelry.  I have my favorite pieces that I wear regularly and I throw in another piece once in a while to add excitement.   I think I forget that I have many of the others pieces and they never get worn.

My focus tonight was on the ring drawer where I found about 20 rings.  A pearl ring given to me by my parents when I was a senior in high school.  A ring with a single sapphire and two small diamonds given by my husband when we were dating.  An adjustable silver ring shaped like coleus leaves that belonged to my mother.  A few Irish Claddagh rings and some fun, funky fashion bands.  Of course I keep a spot there for my wedding band and engagement ring that I take off every night while I sleep.

Twenty rings for ten fingers.  I’m not one of those girls who wears a ring on every finger at the same time, though, so the most I’d ever wear at once would probably be three.  Twenty rings for three fingers.  Except that I wear my wedding ring and engagement ring together on the same finger so it’s more like twenty rings for two fingers.  And here’s the kicker….. I have some type of medical condition (that I call BFH – you’ll see why) that caused my left hand to swell about a year and a half ago.  The doctors don’t know why it happened, what to call it, or how to fix it.  The only recommendation they had was to prevent any restriction to my wrist and fingers on that hand.  Thus, I no longer wear a watch or any rings on my left hand.  So I guess I own twenty rings for one finger on one hand – the finger that wears the wedding rings.  I’m sure you sense the problem here.  Oh, and the BFH diagnosis?  Big Fat Hand.  J

I decided that it was time to do something about this overabundance of lovely rings.  I tried them all on, remembered the special person who gave each ring or special times when it was worn, and then decided if it was really important enough to keep.  In the end, I found seven rings that no longer fit any of my fingers and four that have no emotional value to me.  I put a few of the nicer ones aside to share with good friends with skinny fingers.  The rest will go in my mother’s annual Free Sale next summer.  I’m sure someone will be thrilled to get some free jewelry!

Back to today’s advice.  “If the ring fits, wear it”.  There are three parts to this advice.

1.        If you own beautiful rings that fit your fingers, wear them.  Necklaces, bracelets, earrings, too. Don’t let 93% of your jewelry sit in a box waiting for its turn to shine.  Mix it up, try out new combinations, take a chance, walk on the wild side.  The same applies to wedding crystal, linen tablecloths, and silver serving pieces.  Life is too short to keep our good things for someday.  Use them now.  Use them frequently.  Enjoy them regularly.

2.       If it’s the wrong size, get rid of it.  You don’t have to throw it out but get it out of your house.  Same goes for the wrong style, wrong era, wrong color.  Out it goes.  How about items that carry old and negative memories?  Memories you’d rather not keep.  Good-bye.  Furntiture, knick-knacks, photos you inherited from Aunt Martha?  Unless you love it and use it, it must go.  Today.  We clutter our lives emotionally with our stuff.  Make room for new things that make you look and feel good by removing the old.

3.       As you remove the excess from your life, find ways to bless others.  Our family uses the Free Sale concept where everything is put out on tables on the front lawn with a large sign that says FREE.  There is no better way to move things along than to put them out for free.  No need to make change or haggle for a good price like at a garage sale.  I also believe in blessing others through organizations like the Salvation Army, Goodwill, local rescue missions, etc.  Bless others so that you in turn will be blessed.

I already feel a bit lighter looking at the ring drawer with all its new found space.  The rings that no longer fit my BFH don’t stare at me as a sad reminder anymore.  The friends who get the special rings will look so lovely in them, I’m sure.  If the ring fits, wear it.  If not, you know what to do.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

"Don't ask a question if you don't want an answer"

January 11, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice…..

“Don’t ask a question if you don’t want an answer”

I know, it sounds obvious, doesn’t it?

Really, who would ask questions if they didn’t want answers?

If your friend asks, “Do I look fat in this dress?” you should give an answer, right?

Someone asks “Would you like to grab a dish towel and dry some of these dishes?” and you have the option of saying yes or no, don’t you?

Is it possible there are people who talk in questions but don’t realize it?  And then they wonder why people answer the questions?

I can’t even imagine only talking in questions, can you?

A question demands an answer, don’t you think? 

If a person is used to talking in questions is it possible to make them aware of it and change their speaking style?

Is it annoying to listen to people who only use questions?

I think I know the answer to that one – I wonder if you know what I think too?

Today’s Bit of Advice was created for my friend, Jen, who caused me to stop and think about how we use questions in speech without conscious thought especially with children.  It reminded me that I need to be aware of how I give directions at home and in the classroom.  If I want the task to be completed without options, then I have to make sure that I conclude my statement without a question mark, without an “okay?”, and without an “all right?”.  A statement or direction ends with a period.  Period.

I plan to pay attention to my directions this week.  I don’t want my children to think that they have a choice if I don’t intend for them to have a choice.  No need to set them up for disappointment.  I may need to wear a rubber band around a wrist and snap it every time I slip up. Is that okay?

Maybe you’d like to try it too?

Hope you enjoyed the read, okay?

"Scream or Ignore - The Choice is Yours"

January 10, 2011

I had a very busy weekend – our son received his Parvuli Dei Catholic Scouting Emblem at mass on Saturday, we had a family dinner Saturday night, a school post-holiday party for me, more mass on Sunday, and finally a church choir Epiphany party Sunday afternoon.  All wonderful events full of joy.  But there was one thing that happened that stood out and immediately I realized must be the theme for today’s blog post.

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Scream or ignore – The choice is yours”

Sounds quite intense, doesn’t it?  On Saturday night, our family (including grandparents and an aunt) went to dinner together at the Chinese Buffet to celebrate the Scouting Emblem presentation.  We were having a lovely meal, enjoying our Wonton Soup and Eggrolls, when our middle child let out a scream.  A muted scream, but a scream none the less.  All eyes went to her panicked expression as she continued to screech and point.  “A mouse!” she yelled.  “A mouse just ran across the floor and under that table over there”.  She happens to be a very alert child with excellent observation skills so of course she would be the one to notice this event.  We worked quickly to quiet her down lest the other diners notice the rodent in their midst. An employee realized the problem and worked to remove the mouse from under the table but had no luck.  It appeared he planned to stay right there in safety.

Throughout the meal, however, the mouse decided to change locations.  Have I mentioned yet that I am terrified of mice?   I don’t mind spiders, snakes, insects and the like but mice are my downfall.  As the mouse continued to move through the dining room I had to make the choice about how to handle my own terror.  Would I allow myself to scream as my daughter was doing or would I try to ignore the nasty rodent?  The choice was mine.  It wasn’t easy but I tried to keep my eyes on the people around me and not on the floor areas.  I kept my feet up on the rungs of the chair just in case and went on with my meal.  Because it was a buffet I did have to get up a few times to get more food or take a child to fill a new plate.  I simply looked high and prayed nothing would run under my feet.  A few minutes before we finished our meal, the staff was able to corner the mouse, grab him, and remove him from the dining room.  Phew! 

I wish this was the only mouse experience in my lifetime that related to this bit of advice but no.  When my husband and I were dating I used to travel to Buffalo to visit him.  Usually I took the Amtrak train out of Albany – about a five hour trip to Buffalo.  The train is a nice way to travel.   If you sit on the correct side of the train car you get a lovely view of the Mohawk River and Valley.   The seats were reasonable comfortable and the fellow passengers mostly pleasant.  I would bring a few magazines to read and enjoy the trip.  Except for the time when…….. Have you figured out what comes next here?  Yup.  There was a mouse in the train car.  It ran along the side wall of the car next to my seat and then to seat in front of me.  YIKES!  I had to make the choice to scream (which is what I desperately wanted to do) or try to ignore.  I was likely to spend the next three hours in the company of the rodent but screaming seemed to be a recipe for mass panic so I chose to pick my feet up off the floor, sit as close to the aisle as possible, and stay vigilantly alert (ready to whack the little bugger away with my magazine if necessary).

My mother had a scream or ignore incident with a mouse when she was a younger woman too.  In her case, she chose “scream” (or something like a quiet screaming yelp) – you’ll see why.   She lived on a dairy farm and helped daily with the chores.  One afternoon she was in the straw mow putting bales of straw down the chute into the lower parts of the barn to use for bedding.  Her mother was in the barn doing chores as well.  As my mother was working, her arm bumped against the side of her leg and she felt a wad of tissues in her pocket.  Except then the wad of tissues moved and she realized it was not a wad of tissues at all.  It was a mouse that had gotten into her pant leg and was now stuck insider her pants near her pockets.  She chose “scream” and I think I would have done the same! 

What do you do when you have a mouse in your pants?  How do you get it out of there?  Do you take your pants off and pull the mouse out from the top?  Because she didn’t know what to do, and was a bit panicked, she did the first thing that came to mind.  She scream/yelped/called for her mother to come and help her.  Her mother, my grandmother, ran in to see what the screaming was about.  She quickly assessed the problem and provided her wisest solution.  “Wait until I get a cat”, she stated.  Because on a farm, free cat food is a bargain.  You don’t waste a mouse.  So my poor mother stood there with a wriggly mouse in her pants until her mother could grab a barn cat and haul it up to the straw mow.  Eventually they got the mouse out, the cat got its dinner, and my mother could stop her screaming/yelping.

In every mouse event there is a proper decision to make as whether to scream or ignore.  Depends on how many other people are around and they type of chaos screaming will create.  There are many other situations that cause us to make the same type of decision – do you react with panic or try to ignore your inner fears?  Have you been in this situation?  What did you do?

Hope you enjoyed the read.