“Put it on Paper”

April 20, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Put it on Paper”

The Scholastic Book Fair came to the girls’ school before vacation and both girls made an extensive list of special items to purchase.  I asked them to prioritize the choices since we didn’t have $50 to spend at the book fair.  Older girl ranked her items and I was surprised to see the #1 choice was a diary.  With a lock and key.  She just had to have it!  Turns out that this item was one of the most popular items at the fair, but she got lucky and got the last diary.  I’m so pleased – she has written in that diary every night and will treasure the memories that she has recorded as she gets older.

I am a journal keeper as well.  I am in the seventh year of a ten-year journal that I write in every night before I go to sleep.  I always take the time to read the previous entries and I am reminded of things I would have otherwise forgotten.  Like the time younger girl Vaselined her entire head.  Or when oldest son fell into a huge mud pit behind my parents’ house.  Or all the crazy things middle child did and still does.  I don’t write anything that I would be embarrassed for others to read and I hope the journal will be a part of my family history.  As one of my family’s “Keeper of the Genealogy”, I know the importance of this type of history.

Another important thing to put on paper is your thanks.  My children have learned from a very young age that a thank you note is required for gifts received.  Even the youngest of children can participate in the thank you note process by telling an adult or older child what to write and then signing his name or coloring on the paper.  As my kids have gotten older, they can do more of the writing and sentence creation.  I no longer proof-read all of the notes they write.  Not all of them… just some.  I’ve also taught the children that a thank you note is still important to write even if you thanked the giver personally because a note in writing can be read over and over.  It can be enjoyed and appreciated as many times as the reader wishes to read it.  Putting it on paper is just a good thing to do.

Every “bit of advice” I write is selected for a given day because of an experience I’ve had that day or during the week.  Today’s is no exception.  I’ve made no secret of the fact that I don’t like change.  I like things to stay constant and quiet without disruptions.  We’ve lived in the same house for 14 years, I still have clothes in my closet from high school and college, I don’t change brands of food, etc.

 I’ve also attended the same church for over 40 years – and that is a very long time.

Fourteen months ago, our church was assigned a new pastor and everything began to change from the very first week of his assignment.  Like me, he also finds change uncomfortable and didn’t want to adjust to the traditions and workings of his new parish so he changed them to suit himself.  These changes have continued for the entire fourteen months and so many wonderful aspects of my church are now gone.  As we enter the Triduum of holy days today (Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday/Easter Vigil), I am filled with sadness and grief over traditions now lost and new practices in place that I find unpleasant.  My family has struggled with knowing how to handle this change.  Should we stay and hope that things will improve or do we look for a new church where we feel welcomed, appreciated, and loved?

The one constant we’ve had over these fourteen months is a retired priest who was assigned to our parish for many years before his retirement and who continues to assist each weekend by saying masses.  He has not changed and his presence provides a calm at mass that helps alleviate the struggles many of us have faced.  He will be presiding at mass this evening and will participate in the ceremonial “washing of the feet” of several church members.  One of the women whose feet will be washed told me the other day that she felt guilty having him wash her feet when she would have preferred to wash his.  (Happened just like that in the Bible too with Jesus and his disciples, didn’t it?).  She wanted to tell him how special he is and that he deserved to be the one sitting in the chair so I recommended she write her thoughts in a note and send it to him.   Why?  Because, if she told him verbally, he would just downplay the sentiments.  He never allows anyone to compliment him without trying to make himself a little less than what others think he is.  He does this because he is truly a man of God who wants more for others than himself.  A note sent to his home would be for him alone and he would have to accept the love with which it was written.

I felt good about giving that advice to her.  I thought about sending him a similar type of note to let him know how much he is appreciated and needed during this difficult time in our church community.  But before I could put my thoughts in writing, he beat me to it.  I received the most wonderful, yet simple, email from him this evening.   It was sent to a group of people who he knew needed his encouragement.  He talked about all of the special aspects of the Triduum that we would experience this week – events that don’t change despite the attempts of a controlling pastor who cares only for himself.  He reminded me of why I go to church and why my faith is so important to me.  And, most of all, he told me that I would be specially remembered in his prayers and at his masses.  And he means it.    These are sentiments that should have come from our own pastor, but they didn’t.   Having someone else step up and meet the needs of the people was a blessing of great value.

His words are so special and meaningful to me.  But they carry more weight because they were written and I can read them over and over.  And every time I read them I feel more and more peace.  I’m so happy to know such a wonderful man and share this Holy Week with him.

Thanks Fr. L for putting it on paper!

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Just Do A Little Bit”

April 16, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Just Do A Little Bit”

I started this blog post over a week ago.  But life has been so, so busy that I couldn’t find time to get the thoughts in order.  It’s just been one of those weeks where my schedule and responsibilities have held me underwater and refused to let me up for air.  I can hold my breath a long time but I’m ready to get some oxygen now!  Perfect time for a week of school vacation. 

So, with all this craziness, I thought “How am I ever going to get that blog post finished?”  And then, ironically, I looked back at the title I had already selected a week ago.  “Just Do A Little Bit”.  DUH!  I could just start a few paragraphs and get the rest finished later.  And I know from experience what happens when you “just do a little bit”.

I’m a perfectionist.  I am also a procrastinator.  It took me many years to realize that the main reason I procrastinate is because of the perfectionist desires.  If I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t start doing it at all.  And this has been a problem for me for a long time in many aspects of my life.  Housework, organizing, music practicing, making vacation plans, etc.  Since I figured out the perfection/procrastination connection, however, I’ve been able to try to circumvent it with the “just do a little bit” principle.

For example, our dishwasher stopped working about two years ago.  It wasn’t an old dishwasher (we’d only had it about three years when it failed to execute its assigned duties) and it never really washed all that well to start with.  To say we were disgusted with the situation is an understatement.  Rather than get it repaired or replaced, we decided to do the dishes by hand.  And we are still doing them by hand.  (Well, “we” is usually more “he”, but I do assist now and then).   When times get busy, the dishes start to collect on the counter waiting for their turn in the suds.  The crazy schedules here caused quite a big buildup of dishes recently and I felt I needed to make a dent in the collection.  I waited for a block of time when I could attack the pile but I could never get more than 10 or 15 minutes at a stretch.  Finally, I decided that I could just wash the silverware so I started the process.  But here is where the “do a little bit” principle kicks in.  Once I got the silverware washed I realized that I had a few more minutes and could probably wash the plates.  And, with those done, I realized I could still get the glasses and bowls washed.  Before long, I had the entire pile of dirty dishes washed and drying.

Same thing happened with my music practice.  I’ve been doing some piano accompanying for a local NYSSMA solo festival.  I had five rather difficult accompaniments to learn and couldn’t seem to find the hour or two necessary for practice.  I procrastinated about it for a while (quite a while) then had the bad feeling in my gut when I realized the rehearsal with the students was just a few days away and I had yet to begin my part.  “Just do a little bit” came into my mind and I sat down to play only one piece.  I did another one a few hours later.  Took two more to school with me and practiced during my lunch period.  In the end, all five pieces were ready to go without the long concentrated practice I usually endure.

As for housework, I try to apply the “just do a little bit” there too.  I’ve mentioned www.flylady.net before – FLyLady’s the one who helped me realize that my house didn’t get this way in one day and I can’t expect to fix it in one day either.  But I can do a little bit every day.  And, by doing a little bit all the time, I don’t have to spend my whole Saturday cleaning house.  I can keep the house from getting dirty instead of playing catch up later.  I really wish I had learned that concept 15 years ago!

Last weekend I had the opportunity to go for a nice country drive with my mother and sister (I’ve mentioned how much I enjoy my Sunday drives before too).  We used a driving tour book that covers highlights of the entire town.  The entire tour would take several hours and we just didn’t have that much time.  My mother suggested that we “just do a little bit” each weekend.  I love that!  Means I get to go on several Sunday drives instead of just one.  It’s a winner for me!  (And the drive that we took included a really neat old cemetery that I hadn’t known existed and I’d like to visit again).

But I know you are waiting to find out the real reason I chose this bit of advice.  Yes, I found areas in my life where the principle was applied in the last few weeks, but where did I first learn about this principle?  It came to me as my children were being potty trained and I still use it regularly with my youngest daughter to this day.  When you are ready to get in the car, and won’t have time for bathroom breaks, it is important that little ones use the potty first.  But what do you do when your child says “I don’t have to go!”?  You sit them on the potty and say “Just do a little bit”.  Have you ever tried to do just a little bit and stop there?  Haha – it’s a great parenting technique.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Find Something to Laugh About Every Day”

April 5, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Find Something to Laugh About Every Day”

It’s easy to take life too seriously - especially in this age of economic hardship, world chaos, and moral dishevelment.   Television and radio news fill the mind with all kind of anxiety and disturbance.  I am the type of person who falls into “the world is coming to an end” mindset all too easily.

But I know the importance of finding something to laugh about every day as a way to balance all that negative stuff.  The last 48 hours have given me quite a collection of things to laugh about.  Thought I’d share a few with you…..

It all started in the car on the way home from church on Sunday.  Middle kid was in the back seat and we were talking about the new priest we met that morning.  I said, “Wasn’t he very kind?  And very humorous?”  Without missing a beat she replied, “There’s no humor in tomatoes.”  What??  Then she adds, “And there’s nothing funny about corn.”  I see.  She just sat there with a serious face and watched me for reaction.  Which just made the whole thing even funnier.  I started laughing and repeating her statements (and have kept that up for two straight days).  “There’s no humor in tomatoes” is the new catch phrase in our house.  Turns out these quotes were from a story called “Serious Farm” by Tim Egan.  She read it in school and had been waiting for a chance to use some of the book’s humor.  I’m thinking of reading it myself!

Then, yesterday, Last kid spent the day with Grandma because she had a fever and couldn’t attend school.  Fortunately for her, she felt very good despite the temp and she was able to have a fun day.  When Grandma dropped her off to me at the end of the school day she said, “I learned all about the cousins in Kentucky today.  And the ones in Texas.  Like Jennifer who is 13.”  Last kid just sat there looking around with a smile on her face.  Because we don’t have any relatives in Kentucky or Texas, but she sure came up with a pretty complete story.  I often wonder how many stories like this she has told at school and what false information they know about us there.

I found late-night humor yesterday in the Facebook post of another relative.  The one that said “Ice, Ice, Baby”.  I started to sing the song (you probably are now too).  She listens to music of the ‘80s so I figured she was just having a moment  - but why would anyone choose that song to have an ‘80s moment?  Only later, upon seeing others comments to her post, did I realize that she was using humor to cover her pain.  The “Ice” had nothing to do with Vanilla Ice but with the frozen water she was holding to her freshly sprained ankle.  She could have gone on FB, whined a bit, and gotten lots of sympathy from friends.  But, in her typical fashion, she found some humor to throw around and make the pain a little easier to bear.

A few more laughs today, like the comment I heard when the kids got home from school.  One of my children, who shall remain nameless, took off his sneakers and said “Watch out, my shoes stink and I know how to use them!”  Try not to giggle at that one. 

And my husband, who has been sick for a week and a half, gave me a laugh too.  He went to the doctor last week (finally) and was given a script for an antibiotic but was encouraged to wait two days before having it filled.  If he started to feel better in that time, the antibiotic would be unnecessary.  So he waited five days and realized he still was not better.  He took the script to the pharmacy today, brought home his antibiotic, set it on the counter, and pouted.   Pouted!  I asked him what the problem was and he said “I wanted to make the Dr. proud and get better without filling the prescription.  I feel like I let him down.”  Perfect example of how I can find laughter in my house even when people aren’t trying to be funny.  J

But the funniest thing of all happened in the car this afternoon.  I left the girls together in the car for five minutes while I went in the school to pick up the First kid from art club.  They each had a book to read – there was no need for any boredom.  When I got back to the car, Middle kid was sitting in the back with the biggest grin on her face.   She had found a huge plastic bag in the back of the car and put it on her body like a dress.  The handles were tied together in front of her like a bow.  Of course I had to ask what she was doing.   And, of course, I never would have been able to guess on my own.  She smiled broadly and stated “I’m a package all ready to be shipped and handled!”

Yup.  Exactly what I expected to hear.  LOL

You never know when you will find some laughter in your life.  Search for it and enjoy it!

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Don’t Block Me In”

April 1, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Don’t Block Me In”

I’ve known since I was quite young that I do not like small, confined spaces.    I need space around me to move and stretch and so I can breathe unoccupied air.  Crowds make me very nervous.  Riding in tiny cars is definitely out.  Spelunking?  Not even a consideration!

When I go to a restaurant I need to sit at a table that isn’t too close to another and where I can easily get out.    When I go to church I need to sit at the end of the pew (or close enough that I can get out without other people having to be involved in the process).  When I drive on the interstate and see congestion ahead, I move to the right lane so I have the option of an early exit.

My need for space doesn’t inhibit my life.  I have lots of coping mechanisms that I quietly put in place.  In fact, if I didn’t expose this issue here, most people would have no idea.

I just don’t like to be blocked in.

Why write about this today?

I’ve had a few experiences lately when I’ve been blocked in so it has come to mind a bit.  For starters, my husband and I share a reasonable size master closet.  It’s not like some you see on TV where you could invite the family over for Thanksgiving dinner in there, but it is more than a coat closet.  Because our schedules are different we rarely end up at the closet at the same time.  He chooses his work outfit before bed and moves it to the bathroom so he can dress after his shower without waking the rest of us who like to get another hour or two of sleep.  I usually choose an outfit in the morning.  Lately, however, my schedule has been quite busy and my days have included early morning rehearsals, meetings, and classes.  I’ve needed to choose outfits in the evening and we’ve ended up at the closet at the same time rather often.  It’s okay if he gets there first.  I just wait him out and then go in.  If I get there first he doesn’t seem to have the same waiting ability.  He just walks in and stands in the middle of the room to think and ponder tie choices, shirt colors, shoes and the like.  Problem is…. I get stuck in the back of the closet and can’t move.   It’s like all the air whooshes out of the room and I cannot get out of there quick enough.

A few weeks ago, I helped with after mass hospitality.  One of our favorite priests was recently reassigned to a new parish and we had a larger than usual coffee hour to say good-bye.  So many people donated cookies, pastries, and cakes and they were delicious.  But we also had a ton of cookies, pastries, and cakes left over.  The church has a large upright freezer where we can keep some of the donations to use again for the next coffee hour and it was my job to store the goodies there.  This freezer is located in a walkway and is angled so that the door handle is next to the wall.  To open the freezer door, you must stand directly in front of the freezer (because you cannot walk farther past the freezer – there is a wall there).  The space in front of the freezer is about 3” wider than the door itself.  I’m not a math person but it is easy to figure out that, in order to open the door, you have to have a really good plan or be incredibly thin.  The only way I could get in that freezer was to open the door halfway, squeeze between the door and the wall, and then continue to open the door.  And I had to do this while holding multiple bags of goodies.  Five times.  I’m sure other people find the situation humorous but I found it downright uncomfortable.  This little voice in my head kept saying “Why couldn’t they put the freezer on the opposite wall so the door swings away?”  I may have to work on this.

Parking lots have always been at issue for me.  A crowded parking lot is just as bad as a crowded elevator.  I feel stuck and closed in and blocked.  Target has spaces that are too tight.  Love the store – hate the parking lot.  A church in central NY (which shall remain nameless) has the style of parking where the first arrival pulls all the way through the long parking space then the next person directly behind and so on, until three or four cars are parked bumper to bumper in one long space.  If you are the first or last in line, you are all set.  If you are number two or three?  Better go to the coffee hour and wait it out.  My car likes to breathe unoccupied air too.

Don’t block us in.

But most of all, I had to write this blog today because one of my dear devoted blog followers blocked me in yesterday.  (Well, not me but an extension of me).  She realized the problem immediately and was very apologetic.  No harm done.  But, laughingly, she said “This will probably end up in one of your blogs, wont’ it?” 

Yup.

Hope you enjoyed the read.