"Finish What You Start"

October 18, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Finish What You Start”

Every night, as I’m lying in bed waiting to fall asleep, I take stock of my day – the good, the bad, the goals I have for my life, the things I wish I’d gotten done, and the half-finished projects I’ve abandoned.  I have a life pattern of working on many things at one time.  They all get finished eventually but I walk away from the projects too often to take care of more urgent work, to make dinner, or just to go to sleep as the night gets late.

Fortunately for me, I (almost always) finish those projects at some point.  I prioritize them by importance or due date and give myself a little shove to get it done.  Most of the time, it doesn’t take nearly the amount of effort or hours that I expect it will take.

I know some people who have half-finished projects that never come to completion.  Maybe they have too many great ideas and a lack of time or drive to get them done.  Maybe they only have the starting ideas but don’t know how to bring the rest of the project together.  Maybe they just forgot to finish.  Whatever the reason, use this advice as an impetus to look around and find out what you’ve let sit on the back burner for too long.  You know what happens to pots that boil dry?  They start to smoke and warp!

You are probably wondering how I came to choose this bit of advice today.  A friend from Facebook (who also has a blog) posted the following opening statement to her blog post today: “I have not written in a while – a LONG while.  Not because I didn’t want to, just didn’t have much to say”.  And that statement was so true for me in my life too.  I love writing this blog and I try to faithfully write at least once a week.  The fact that my last published blog post was on September 13^th (a month and five days ago) indicates a little problem to my faithful writing.  And, I included the words “published blog post” which should tell you something else.  I’ve written a few entries but didn’t actually finish them and didn’t post them.  I did want to write and publish the posts – I think I was too busy teaching and mothering to have anything left to say here.

What was that advice of mine?  Finish what you start? LOL

Thanks to my dear FB friend, I put fifteen minutes aside and got this blog post written and ready to post.  I have the beginnings of three more that I will aim to finish up in the next few days.  It really won’t take much to just buckle down and get those half-finished projects completed.  The hardest part is getting started and the rest just happens.

Try it.  I think you’ll be pleased with the result.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Don’t Stop Looking for Angels”

September 13, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Don’t Stop Looking for Angels”

When was the last time you saw an angel?  No, I don’t mean a picture of one in a children’s bible or on a Valentine’s Day card.  A real angel.    For most people the answer to this question is “never”.   I’ll admit it – I’ve never seen an angel with wings or multiple faces or a bright shiny aura.  But I have indeed seen angels and I know for a fact that their influence in our lives is indelible.

I’ve been thinking about the earthly presence of angels quite a bit lately.  Over the summer I started reading Debbie Macomber’s book “God’s Guest List; Welcoming Those Who Influence Our Lives”.  This modest book brings the reader to really think about those people who have made a difference in our lives.  People we know well, people we only meet for a brief moment, those who live among us, and those who have passed on.  Macomber describes these people as the ones that God has put on the guest list of the dinner party that is your life.  She challenges the reader to develop a list of thirty people who are on that guest list.  At first, I had some difficulty coming up with more than six or seven names but, as the summer went along (and I kept renewing the book from the library), I was able to see the influence of others that I had not initially considered.

We often overlook the presence of these angels in our lives.  Those people who have made permanent impacts on who we are and what we do.  It is no fluke that their paths have crossed with ours.  That’s the job of an angel.  Macomber writes in her summary that “often we don’t recognize the deep impact others have had and how God has used them to shape us into who we are.  By pausing to recognize these influences, we begin to grasp how God’s guest list has impacted our lives.  We begin to see the seeds of influence that have molded our values and character.”

We should never stop looking for the angels in our lives.

A colleague shared a story with me today about an encounter with an angel.  I’m not sure she even realized she had an angel in her presence but I knew immediately as she spoke about her experience.  She went to a new church on Sunday – one that was close to home, where she might see some familiar faces, and where the mass would not likely be much different from her usual setting.  But the presence of the priest at that church changed everything about her church experience that day.  His words about the readings on forgiveness brought meaning to her that she had never received before despite hearing the same readings many times over in the past.  He spoke directly to her as if none of the other people were in the room.  He impacted her life in a permanent way that created a deep and profound change to the way that she had been looking at a stressful and difficult situation.   He was the angel that she needed at this time.  He was the angel she almost didn’t recognize.

I had my own encounter with angels this week when the right rear tire of my car blew out while I was driving 55mph on the interstate during commuter traffic coming home from work.  I heard the sound of the blow out and quickly felt the tire flatten (and smelled the burning rubber!).  Pulling to the side of the highway, I started to run the situation through my mind. How would I meet the kids at the bus?  My roadside assistance expired last week – how will I get the tire changed?  Am I far enough off the road that I will be safe from traffic?

But I can honestly say that I was not stressed about the situation at any time.  How is that possible given the fact that I am stressed and anxious about pretty much everything in my life?

As I parked the car on the side of the road, I remember looking up and saying aloud “Lord, help me”.  I lowered my eyes and saw a car backing down the shoulder of the road toward me.  Before I could get out of the car to check the tire, a young man in his 20’s wearing an auto mechanic’s uniform came to my car and asked if he could help.   He was able to find and release the jack and spare tire, then began the process of removing my flat tire.  As soon as he ran into a problem (the flat tire would not come off the car), a DOT Help Truck pulled behind my car.  The driver had started his help patrol only 5 minutes before.  He was able to finish the job of changing out the tire and getting me on the way to the Tire Center.

There is no explanation for the almost instant appearance of these two men other than the presence of angels.  I didn’t get lucky and happen to get a flat tire in just the right place.  I was given a gift.

When my daughter was in Kindergarten, her entire school sang a song together at the Christmas Concert with a beautiful slideshow in the background.  I think I cried through the whole song because the combination of the pictures and music were so touching.  Every time I hear that song, I’m reminded to pay attention to those special people around us.  The ones who are sent to us and who we need to look for and recognize.

Don’t stop looking for angels.

 “I believe there are angels among us, sent down to us from somewhere up above.  They come to you and me in our darkest hours.  To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.  To guide us with the light of love.  Ain’t it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.  Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.  They wear so many faces; show up in the strangest places.  To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need.” – Alabama (1993)

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Always have a Co-Pilot”

September 5, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Always have a Co-Pilot”

Today is Labor Day and that means a picnic at the Barrow House for the family (my sister insists that we always host an event on Federal Holidays – LOL!)  In order to put together a dinner for the masses, however, I had to take a trip to the grocery store.  Not something I enjoy doing on a Federal Holiday.  Just too many people there with long checkout lines.  But, nonetheless, I had to get that shopping done so on I went.

I was only in the store just a few minutes when I noticed something I had never seen at the market before.  A man was shopping with a list on his ipad!  I always shop with a list too but mine is on a piece of scrap paper attached to a clipboard.  His was beautifully arranged by aisle with boxes to check off when items were safely placed into the cart.  And then he told me the best part of the ipad list – if his wife thinks of another item that needs to be picked up, she can log on to the list from home and add it while he is at the store.  How cool is that?

After getting all my groceries bagged up and deposited in the back of my car, I headed for home.  I live in a town that has the great distinction of being the home of the roundabouts.  If you aren’t familiar with roundabouts let me tell you about them.  Roundabout is a British word that describes a junction of two or more roads where traffic moves in one direction around a central island (Thanks Wikipedia for help with that definition).  Roundabouts are supposed to be safer for automobiles and pedestrians and most statistics do show that.  But, if you’ve ever driven through a roundabout, you may not think it’s the safest thing.  We got our first roundabout a few years ago and it took some time to get used to driving through it safely.  Since that first roundabout we have added many more in our town.  In fact, between my home and the grocery store, I have to drive through three roundabouts if I go one route and four if I go the other.  And there are more being built as I type.

Today, as I approached the second of the roundabouts on the trip home, I had to wait to enter as a car was making its way around the circle.  The driver appeared to be confused about where to go to access the interstate.  A woman in the passenger seat was straining to point out signs indicating the correct lane and exit.  She was using greatly exaggerated hand gestures to show the driver the way to go. (And, I must admit, she looked a mite nervous herself!).  Fortunately, the car and its passengers made it safely through the roundabout and were soon on their way to easier roads.

Once home I had many bags of groceries to unload, food to prepare, and a house to clean.  Despite the need to get these tasks done before my guests arrived, I had an important professional obligation to meet.  I went to my computer and wrote an email to a first year teacher at my school (oh, I did put away the frozen food first – priorities!).  She is very excited about her new job and I know she’ll do a fabulous job in the classroom but she’s really feeling pressure to prepare perfect lesson plans and perform like a veteran teacher on her first day of school.  This pressure is mostly self-imposed and is quickly wearing her out.  I decided to share some wisdom earned through my own attempts to be “perfect” in the classroom over the years.  I felt she needed to know that she was not alone in her efforts but that there are also other ways to approach a brand new teaching position.  I worded my email carefully to let her know that I would be happy to serve as a mentor for her if she chose.  She emailed me back a few hours later and was very appreciative for the advice.  I’m hoping the encouragement will be helpful to her.

So, what does all this have to do with my advice for today?  Always have a co-pilot.  Don’t trust your memory to retain all the items that you need to purchase at the store.  Trust me when I tell you that you will always forget something (and it will probably be the bread, milk, or eggs!).  Use a list – use an awesome list that others can update while you are at the store!  Don’t try to navigate a roundabout in an unfamiliar town.  You need a partner who can read the signs and point out the right paths.  Don’t try to go it alone at a new job.  Find a colleague who will hold your hand (figuratively, not physically) and keep you going straight.  It is important.  Really important.

Everyone needs a co-pilot.  We can try to go it alone but we will never have the success that a good co-pilot can provide.  Get yourself one.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

(Today’s installment brought to you through the inspiration of my friend, Mark.  Eventually all my friends will probably make it into my blog somewhere!)

“Spell Words Correctly”

August 1, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Spell Words Correctly”

This advice may sound a bit preachy or snobbish (or, more likely, hypocritical since I do have a close relationship with the automatic spell check and correct feature of my word processer).  I believe that there is a strong connection between an individual’s ability to spell words correctly and the perceived overall intelligence and wisdom of said individual.  You could have a very high IQ yet your inability to spell words correctly will lead others to believe that you are under-educated and they may not take you seriously.

For example:  I was just reading an essay about a woman who was cleaning her house.  She mentioned that she had spent the morning cleaning her cubbords and draws.  Whether you like it or not, you’ve created an image of this woman in your mind based on her ability to spell correctly.  (And if you still haven’t figured out what she was cleaning, re-read those words and say them out loud).

But is it really a spelling issue?  Perhaps it is a lifestyle issue.  Growing up, this woman’s family may have always pronounced the words as “cubbords” and “draws”.  We’ve just experienced an entire generation of children for whom spelling words correctly was not enforced.  The Whole Language Movement didn’t stress spelling as strongly as others aspects of language development.  Maybe the woman was just doing what she was taught.

It may be wrong of me but I use spelling errors as a guide in shopping for a deal.  When I was in the market to buy a good, used band instrument for our son I went to Craigslist and searched for a “saxaphone”.  If you don’t know how to spell it, you might also not know exactly what the value of the item really is. 

While poking around Craigslist I found many other items of interest like:
• Popozon chairs
• Armwars
• Steros
• A Shower Enclosurey

There are common spelling mistakes that many of us make from time to time like its vs. it’s, and effect vs. affect.   But adults really should know how to properly use accept vs. except, advice vs. advise, who’s vs. whose, then vs. than, etc.   

Two mistakes I often see that drive me really nuts are passed vs. past and quiet vs. quite.  I always cringe when I read “My grandma past away on Saturday.”  Or “I couldn’t get the kids to quite down.” 

I’m complaining about spelling errors but I have to admit that sometimes children’s spelling errors can be quite cute.   They spell words exactly the way they sound.  I was eating lunch in the staff room at school one day when a teacher brought in a paper written by a 3rd grade student.  The assignment dealt with foods that we eat at different meals.  The student had included “paskete” as a dinner food.  The teacher could not decipher the word and asked the other teachers at the table to give it a shot.  Took a few minutes but we got it.  Can you?

Hope you enjoyed the read! 

"Warn people and do 15 minutes"

July 21, 2011

Today’s Bits of Advice…

1.       “Warn people before you take a blog break – They might miss you.”

2.       “Do what you can for 15 minutes.”

I don’t usually give a double bit of advice.  I do have a lot of advice but I write my extra advice in a list to use in the event I have writer’s block – haha!  But today called for a little extra advice because it has been so long since I’ve taken the time to write.   This has been a strange summer “vacation” for me and I’m still having trouble getting settled into any type of routine.  Summer seemed to come on too quickly without they typical end of the school year wind-down.  I just wasn’t ready for this!  And my blogging has fallen by the wayside as I’ve tried to figure out what I’m doing.

I knew it had been more than a week since I had added a bit of advice but, honestly, I didn’t think anyone had noticed.  I really don’t know how many people read my blog but my guess would be three.  Maybe four on a good day.  Tonight, a friend mentioned to me that she has been checking daily for the next blog entry and hadn’t found any in quite a while.   Wow!  Maybe I have five or six followers. So, in honor of Mary (don’t all my friends like to see their name mentioned at least once here?), I recommend to all my blogging friends that you send out a warning before you take a blog break. Don’t leave people hanging, wondering when the next great word of wisdom will arrive.  Let your friends know they can go on vacation without worry that they’ll miss something.  J

After Mary mentioned that she had been looking for a new nugget of advice I asked her what she thought I should write about.  She didn’t have to think too long.  Quickly she came up with “Tell me how to get my kids to clean up their rooms”.  So, Mary, my advice is “tell them to do what they can for 15 minutes”.  Sometimes the project looks too big and it’s easier to pretend the mess doesn’t exist (as if that’s really possible!).  But spending 15 minutes on a small part of the problem and seeing the results is a good start.  It makes the next 15 minutes seem possible.  And, after spending a few of these 15 minutes chunks of time on the mess, the rest just gets easier.

We’ve lived this advice in our home this week.  Our daughter decided this would be a good week to “tidy up” her bedroom.  Apparently she was not fazed by the fact that temps are in the upper 90’s and the heat index is hovering around 110F!  Our upstairs rooms are NOT pleasant in that kind of weather.  She started with her closet, moved to the bookcase and clothing armoire, and ended up with the under bed mess.  Instead of working on one small area, she tackled large spaces that were impossible to complete in short bursts of effort.  By the end of the day, she had everything pulled out on her floor, could not get to the bed, and had nowhere to sleep.  She was not happy and could not figure out how to recover from this new problem.  Today, we implemented the 15 minute principle and are slowly putting the room back together (with the help of a window AC unit!).  The room is not finished but it is on its way.  Remembering to only pull out what you can complete in a reasonable amount of time is such good advice to bringing about a successful outcome on this or any other challenging problem.

So that’s my advice for the day.  For the week.  Oh heck, my advice for half a month.  I’m sure I’ll get on a better schedule soon!

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Shop With Your Eyes”

July 7, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice…

“Shop With Your Eyes”

My children are able to quote many of my bits of advice despite the fact that they are rarely able to follow the advice without many, many reminders.  The one I’ve ingrained most into their heads over the last few days is “Shop With Your Eyes.”  There is a second half to that quote that I don’t always add since the first half seems to be enough: “Not with your hands”.

Seems that we cannot get through any store without the kids stopping every 18 inches to touch the merchandise.  It really doesn’t matter what the store sells -grocery store, drug store, Target, Walmart, hardware store, furniture store.  They have to feel the fabrics, smell the items, pick up things, sit on sofas, and see if you can flush display toilets.  And on and on.

I remind and remind that we need to shop with our eyes and only use our hands when necessary to check the price, size, or comfort of items we actually intend to purchase.  This habit of shopping with our eyes makes running errands incredibly time consuming.  Today we had to pick up four items at Target yet it took over 30 minutes to get out of the store.  I had children checking out bikinis, carrying toys through the store with the hope that Mom would buy them, reading Wii game boxes, sniffing toothpaste options and the like.  This doesn’t even include what happens in the checkout line with all the candy, gum, and toy selections right up against our cart.  That’s touch city!

Shop with your eyes, not your hands.

For adults the same advice is actually quite helpful.  Have you ever noticed how much easier it is buying something once you’ve touched it?  It’s as if you start to own the item in your mind just by picking it up off the shelf or rack.  I can go in a store with the intention of only buying one item and then fill a cart just because I started touching things.

Since I’ve been doling out the “shop with your eyes” advice to the kids, I have had more pressure to model the same behavior myself.  It really does help me keep my money in my wallet.  I look for deals and still buy some spontaneously but it is much easier to remember what I went to the store to buy this way.

Shop with your eyes, not your hands.

Try it.  I bet you’ll find that it works.  And think of all the great deals you can get with all the money you save!

I’m off to the Farmer’s Market this afternoon.  What is the chance I’m not going to pick up some fruits and vegetables to check them for their wonderful smell? Or the cheese bread that I’ll have to touch?  LOL – sometimes you have to shop with your hands (and nose) anyway!

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Mix It Up Now and Then”

June 29, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Mix It Up Now and Then”

I don’t like change.  I think I’ve said it before but my dislike is so strong that I should probably repeat it regularly.  Some people thrive on change but I love stability, predictability, and calm.  Change doesn’t often bring those things.

But, sometimes change brings about good things.  My girls never wear socks with their puddle boots.  Why?  Don’t ask me – I’m only the lady who told them to put the socks on but they don’t like to listen to that direction.  One girl started getting blisters on her foot from the boots and kept complaining to me about the discomfort.  I suggested (again) (for the 17^th time) “why don’t you try putting on some socks with those boots?”  She did and the boots became much more comfortable.  She’ll probably still use the boots with her tender bare feet now and I expect to see her mix it up with socks as well.

On the flip side, I always wear socks with my sneakers.  Who in their right mind would wear sneakers without them?  Really?  But I wanted to get a quick walk in last night before the thunderstorms arrived and I didn’t want to lose a single second grabbing my socks (after all, it probably would have taken at least 10 seconds to go all the way upstairs to get them!).  Instead I shoved my bare feet into my sneakers and laced them up.  Wow!  I couldn’t get over the comfort of those shoes!  I was able to walk for quite a while in them and they stayed comfy the whole time.  I guess I should have tried going naked-footed sooner!  Good thing I mixed it up!

Change in the workplace brings both good and bad.  My sister (who loves to find herself mentioned in my blog!) just found out that her school principal is leaving for a new job.  She will miss him as he was a good administrator and friend.  But she is happy that he will be moving to a great new position.  While there is probably some anxiety in her school about who his replacement will be, a new administrator can bring renewed motivation and excitement to a school, as well as new ideas that promote great successes.  Keeping things mixed up is a good thing.

As a teacher, I have found that teaching the same courses or programs year after year can be very dulling.  Adding new assignments, new students, and new age levels stimulates the creativity and teaching style.  I will be adding two new age groupings to my course load in the fall and I think it will be very exciting.  My husband (who probably doesn’t love to find himself mentioned in my blog!) will be adding three new age groupings to his load.  He is more apprehensive about his course changes but I think they will work out well for him and he’ll do a great job.  Adding these new students to our positions will be very stimulating to our teaching style.  It’s good to mix things up now and then.

It’s just so easy in life for things to get stale.  To do the same things over and over.   To wear the same seven outfits.  To ask the barber for the same haircut for twenty years.   To keep relationships as they are and not progress to new levels of commitment (hee, hee – that reference is for someone else I know!).  But I promise that mixing things up brings rewards greater than the comfort of same-ness.

Really!  Mix it up now and then!  You’ll like it.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Don’t Give Up"

June 20, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice…

“Don’t Give Up”

I’ll admit it – I’ve been too busy this spring.  Busy to the point of exhaustion, mental fatigue, housework dysfunction and the like.  In agreeing to work on a few projects, I found that they carried additional responsibilities.  I found that others who were to play a role in completing the projects didn’t carry their share.  I found that I was constantly dealing with the fallout related to people who weren’t doing what they should.  And I was still supposed to be a good wife and mother.  Boy, do I need to learn to drink coffee!

There have been a few days in the past several weeks when I just wanted to throw in the towel and give up.  It seemed that I would never be able to get everything done, or done the way I should, or done the way others thought I should.

But I didn’t give up.   And I’m glad I didn’t.

The laundry and dishes have built up and I see dust all over but I use the mantra “Just do it for 15 minutes” and there is always a big improvement.  Certain tasks seem like they will take much longer but 15 minutes is enough to make a big dent.  Don’t give up.

Some of my projects seem overwhelming in size.  As a procrastinating perfectionist, it is easy for me to avoid starting a project that appears to be too stressful.  But I try to jump in where I can, get a start, and let the rest happen.  Don’t give up.

Friday was my daughter’s kindergarten graduation.  Earlier in the year, the teacher asked if a parent would make a slideshow/PowerPoint to play at the graduation.  Nobody stepped up which means I stepped up.  Even though I had never made a PowerPoint, I figured it would be good practice.  How hard could it be to make a 10 minute slideshow?  Well, it ended up taking hours of work to create.  I thought 10 minutes – they wanted 30 minutes.  I couldn’t get music to work in PowerPoint so I switched it to MovieMaker and had to learn to use that software.  I tried to burn copies for parents and it was too big.  Finally got it onto DVD’s for them but the DVD wouldn’t play in a DVD player or on the computer at school. Ugh.  The graduation was looming and I still hadn’t figured out how to play the slideshow.  Finally, the morning of the graduation arrived and I went to school very early to make sure my computer and slideshow would work and it did.  I’m glad I didn’t give up.

Except, when the time for the slideshow actually arrived, it didn’t work. Ten minutes before the show is to begin and I’ve got nothing.  I went into fight mode and tried every trick in my repertoire.   Changed cords, prayed, changed computers, prayed, tried thumb drives, tried the DVD again, prayed, enlisted the help of a friend from the audience, prayed.  Nothing.  Talk about wanting to give up.  But I didn’t.  We brought in another projector and a tiny screen.  The parents could see the pictures.  A little.  They could hear the music.  Barely.  But we didn’t give up.

Finally we found a teacher who knew what the problem was.  While we went to another room for the awarding of the diplomas, she was able to get the slideshow running properly and we all went back to the theater at the end to see the show.  And it was wonderful.  Don’t give up.

But this bit of advice really held true for me last Wednesday.  I have been dealing with a particularly vexing problem for about eight months.  I’ve tried everything in my power to fix the problem and make things better.  There has been this brick wall in the way of making change happen.  At times, I have felt that there was such a slim chance of fixing the problem that it might be easier to learn to live with it.  But I’ve prayed on it over and over.  I’ve asked God for a specific resolution – one that I didn’t think anyone would else would think of.  And, on Wednesday, I got the news that my resolution to the problem was going to happen.  The resolution I didn’t tell anyone but God about.  Wow!  I am so glad that I didn’t give up.

No matter what the problem is or how thick the brick wall, don’t give up.   You can do it – maybe not the way you think you should or the way others thing you should, but you can do it.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

"You Must Keep Reading To Find the Advice"

My grandmother kept a sealed envelope in her desk with the instructions “read it after I’m dead”.  For years, we knew about the letter and wondered about its secret contents.  When she died in February 2000, the envelope was opened and the contents revealed.  I don’t remember now what the note said but I do remember thinking it was awfully unimportant.

So you think today’s Bit of Advice is about how to write a farewell letter, don’t you?

Nope.

In my desk at school I keep a small bag with a mascara, some face powder, and a deodorant.  Why?  Every once in a while I find myself in such a rush in the morning that I forget a key piece of my morning routine.  I can get by without eating breakfast but I must have on mascara.  I had to teach one time with two mismatched shoes on but I must have on deodorant.  And the powder is just a habit thing.  I’m naked without it.  There are some things I just need.

So you think today’s Bit of Advice is about being prepared, don’t you?

Nope.

Every fall when the weather starts to chill and the gray clouds of November take on a whitish, snowy tinge we make our family trip to the basement.  We pull out every winter coat, boot, and snowpant we own and line them up on the floor in size order.  Each child has the instruction to find the coat they want to wear to school and church.  Next, find the coat you want to wear outside to play in the snow.  Lastly, find the one you will wear when the others are wet or get left behind somewhere.  Then we move to snowpants.  Find the pair you want to wear here at home.  Find the pair you want to keep at school for playing there.  And lastly to the boots where each child has to find two pair that fit and will be good in the snow.  Sometimes a child has to wear something just a hair too big or too small but we always find enough gear for everyone (and enough gear to outfit another family of seven at least!).

So you think today’s Bit of Advice is about being hoarding, don’t you?

Nope.

Our State Farm Insurance agent, a good friend of the family, gave us a red vinyl pouch to keep in the glove compartment of the car with our registration and insurance information.  Fortunately we usually only have to remove it from the car twice a year when the new insurance cards arrive in the mail and not with any regular frequency on the side of the road while blue and red lights flash in the rearview mirror.  A few years ago, I had the idea to add some important phone numbers to the red pouch just in case we needed them while traveling (of course, this was before cell phones where we could store the numbers).  I also added a list of Thruway rest areas by mile marker number since we no longer get a toll ticket with the info thanks to EZPass.   And finally I added a $20 bill.  Just in case.  Just because.  And it’s still there.

So you think today’s Bit of Advice is about being thinking ahead, don’t you?

No.

Today’s Bit of Advice is…….

“Always write a backup blog in advance”

Because you never know when the day will come when you won’t have time to write one.  All of my adoring fans wait with bated breath for the next missal and I don’t want to disappoint.  So this blog (and maybe a few others) was written in advance with the notation “open and use as needed”.  I may or may not ever need it but I’ll be awfully glad I have it if the day comes.

And, I guess, if you are reading it the day came.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Pay a Visit”

June 6, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Pay a Visit”

We didn’t go very many places when I was a child.  We went to church and the grocery store.  Saturdays was religion class and the Laundromat.  Sometimes my dad went to the hardware store and would take me along.   Once in a blue moon, we would go to a restaurant!  Pizza Hut was near the top of my list.  And then there was the family drive where we seemed to drive aimlessly looking at the countryside – I still love a drive to this day.

The best part of a drive in the country was when it ended with “paying a visit”.  My parents didn’t talk about it out loud (or at least loud enough for me to hear) but the car just seemed to drive itself to the home of family friends.  We’d pull in the driveway, pile out of the car, and go ring the doorbell.  There was always joy and excitement on the face of our friends.  They’d welcome us into their home, find some snacks and drinks, usually pull out some playing cards, and we’d stay until it was time to go.  Kids went to the backyard or basement and found things to do.  If we stayed very late, we might be put to bed in the parents’ bedroom and then carried to the car later.

As much as I loved “paying a visit”, I remember even more fondly the times when another family would pay us a visit at our home.   The sound of a car pulling into the driveway and doors slamming would send us running to the windows to see who had dropped in and we’d get ready to entertain.

Those visits didn’t require us to do anything fancy.  You could serve popcorn and Kool-Aid and still get smiles.  Entertainment for adults involved cards, or horseshoes, or (gasp) Jarts!  Kids played Operation, or MouseTrap, or Don’t Break the Ice.  We didn’t watch TV or play video games.

In today’s culture, people stay very busy and don’t have extended time at home without a plan.  It isn’t considered appropriate to ring someone’s doorbell without calling ahead and making a plan.  If you know someone will be coming over, you plan special snacks and drinks, clean the house, prep the kids, and make everything just so.  Even neighbors stick to themselves and have lost the spontaneity of “paying a visit”.

But I’ve never been much for following the rules (well, some of them anyway).  Maybe I’m old-fashioned, but I still believe in “paying a visit” and I love when someone pays us a visit too.  Over the weekend, we dropped in on friends both Saturday and Sunday evening.  We didn’t call ahead or warn but we know each family well enough to be assured of a joyful reception.  Neither house was perfect but both were warm and welcoming.  We stayed longer than expected both times and the children were no worse for wear from a few missed hours of sleep.  We left both visits feeling refreshed and happy.

Trust me when I tell you to “pay a visit” sometime soon.  Let’s teach a new generation about the joy of dropping in.  It’s a good idea!

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Keep the Home Fires Burning (But Not Too Hot)”

May 30, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice…

“Keep the Home Fires Burning (But Not Too Hot)”

It’s a short one today.  It’s been a long weekend (and lovely) weekend with much to do and I still have much to do before I sleep (in my very hot and muggy bedroom) but I wanted to leave you with this bit of advice.

It comes in two parts:

1.     Keep the Home Fires Burning –  This expression came into use during World War I and referred to families left at home while soldiers were off to war.  The soldiers needed encouragement from those at home that life there was pleasant and in good order.  Our country is still at war and there are many men and women who still need that type of support to keep going.  During World War I, the phrase was certainly more literal.  The person left behind at home had to keep that home fire burning or there would be no heat!  Today, the expression refers more to staying positive and supportive so our loved ones at war know they are thought about, prayed for, and ready to be welcomed home.  As we celebrated Memorial Day today, we remembered those who died serving our country but also those who continue to keep us safe.

2.     But Not Too Hot -  In the winter, keeping a fire burning on a cold day is a blessing.  In the summer, a fire may feel great on a camping trip when you want to roast some marshmallows or sit around telling ghost stories.  It does not, however, feel so great on an 87F day like today.  There has been very little opportunity to be “cool” in the last several days and we are looking like we will have at least two more days of temps in the upper 80’s before a cold front comes through.   We had a family picnic here today (outside) and we survived the heat, but just barely.  And my dear husband did the grilling which was obviously even hotter!  The grills were working overtime too, shooting flames all over the place and turning our hamburgers into hockey pucks.  We ate them anyway and didn’t make any comments.  He’d already been through enough.  I think our “home fire” was burning a bit too much.

On that note…. Keep the home fires burning for our troops and all those away from home.  And keep your grills under control so your hamburgers don’t turn to ash.  It’s just a good idea.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Model what you want”

May 22, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Model what you want”

We had a recent experience at church that left a lasting impression on me.  A family sitting near ours created a great deal of chaos and distraction for all sitting around them.  The children played with toys and books.  They ate noisy snacks.  There was movement in and out of the pew.  But the worst part, for me anyway, was the parent who kept checking the phone for text messages, went in and out of the pew, fussed over the children, and spoke (loudly) many times to the children about their behavior.  I heard “you need to stop taking” at least 20 times.

I think the children were old enough to sit on the pew and pay attention.  They didn’t need so many props nor snacks.  But can I really blame the children for the distractions and behavior?  No.  The parent packed the bag of tricks.  The parent played with the phone.  The parent moved around incessantly.  And the parent was the one who kept talking then telling the children to stop talking.

If you want your children to display specific behaviors, you must model them first.  If the parent talks at mass, the children will talk at mass.  If the parent can’t get off the smartphone at the restaurant, the children won’t want to get off their electronic devices.  If the parent constantly spouts anti-(fill in the blank) sentiments, the child will likely speak in a similar way – I had an experience with that during the week too but that’s another blog.

Modeling the wrong behavior for children happens all the time yet the parents doing the modeling rarely see the problem in themselves.  You get what you reap.

Though I see a lot of negative modeling in my roles as an educator and fellow parent, I’ve also seen some outstanding modeling results.  Children who shake hands with adults, hold the door for others, go out of their way to help an older person.  Those things don’t happen naturally – they are learned.  Learned from good models.

I did some substitute teaching last week for a third grade class.  I’ve taught this class before and they are a really nice bunch of kids.  Sure, maybe they may all have great parents who have modeled kind behavior, but I have to believe that their teacher has something to do with it too.  Before we left the classroom to go to another activity, I asked the students to think about their behavior in the hall and what each could do to be a model to younger students.  They took my request very seriously and did a great job being quiet and polite.  They continued to do the same each time we left the room for the rest of the day.  Made my job so easy!  I was also amazed by the number of other students who stopped me in the hallway to thank me for work I had done for the school as a volunteer.  They weren’t asked to thank me (“Go over there and tell her thank you”) – they did it because they’ve seen models do it first.

It’s not hard to teach children how to behave in a way that pleases you.  Model it.  The harder thing is to make sure that you don’t teach children the wrong behaviors by accident through unintentional modeling.  Model what you want to see, not what you don’t.

In case you want to see this bit of advice at work, join me at mass next week.  I’ll show you which pew to sit in for a display.  Don’t worry about getting to mass early – I’m pretty sure that pew will be empty.   Most of us know by now that it might be better to sit elsewhere.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

Just keep pushing through

May 15, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice is….

“Just keep pushing through”

As a mother of three children, a wife of one husband, a teacher of many, a volunteer for much, and a woman with at least fourteen jobs, I know the meaning of being tired.  Every morning when I hear the dreaded alarm clock I am shocked to realize that another day has begun so quickly after the last.  But my schedule is always full and I know that I have to keep moving so up I get.

But there are times when I really feel like I don’t have another ounce of energy.  And times when I think the projects before me require more than I have available to give.  It is at those times when I have to just keep pushing through. 

If I took the time to do the things I really wanted to do, the things I have to do would never get done.  I would really like to read books, make a quilt, write a novel, exercise, watch mindless TV, drive around and photograph the countryside.  But I have “real work” to do.  This week I had one child miss school on Monday for fever and another who came home at 11:00 on Friday day for the same thing.  Caring for sick children is “real work”.   Yesterday we had a First Communion mass and celebration for middle child.  Making the day one to remember for a lifetime was “real work”.  My in-laws are visiting and they love staying at our “B&B”.  They don’t travel much and deserve to be treated well.  My efforts to host them are “real work”.

Doing my “real work” makes me tired.  But I have to keep pushing through.

This week I am chairing a huge fundraiser for the local school.  I got the job because I came up with the idea when all other ideas failed.  If you are going to share an idea, you have to be prepared to be given the job.  I know the day will be splendid – I have the support and help of wonderful teachers and parents.  But my evenings will be long in preparations, my nights will be filled with anxious dreams, and my days will be full of work.  This is “real work” I’m doing that will benefit the 215 children who attend this special school.  So what if I get tired?  I can nap next week.   Maybe.  In the meantime, I’ll just keep pushing through.

I know there will come a day when my children are grown and no longer need my thermometer or fundraising skills.  I’ll retire from teaching and my principal will hire a new music teacher to take my spot.  My in-laws will live in a new dimension where every day is like staying at a special B&B.  I’ll have time to read books, make quilts, write a novel, exercise, watch mindless TV, and photograph the countryside.  I just hope I can fit all that in between my volunteering, helping others, and showing hospitality to my children and grandchildren.  Hmmmm….maybe “real work” doesn’t take a retirement after all.

I guess I’ll just keep pushing through.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Put your best foot forward”

May 7, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice is….

“Put your best foot forward”

I’ve been thinking a lot about feet over the last few weeks.   Not “feet” as in a collection of twelve inches, but the ones on the ends of my legs.  For most of my life I have ignored my feet and not given them credit for all that they do.  A sprain to my foot in college, a bout with plantar fasciitis two years ago, and a recent injury have been exceptions to those times.   Feet are pretty important and you realize that when one or both of them are giving you a problem.

My injury of a few weeks ago occurred because I didn’t take the time to put on my shoes before preparing dinner.  I like to be barefoot (another reason for the plantar fasciitis) especially when I’m in the house.  On the night of the injury I was preparing a pasta dinner for my family.  When the time came to drain the pasta, some of the boiling water splashed back out of the sink on me.  The water that hit my clothes didn’t cause a problem, but the water the fell on my foot was another story.  I sustained a 2^nd degree burn on the top of my right foot that came to an instant blister, then popped leaving me with a shortage of skin.  OUCH was only one of the words that came out of my mouth!

Three weeks later and I am about ready to start wearing shoes again.  Not because I haven’t wanted to wear them but because I couldn’t put my foot into a normal shoe.  Flip-flops have been more constant companion – finding flip-flops that coordinate with your Easter best was a challenge but I did find them. 

I am ready again now to put my best foot and my “not-so-good” foot forward.

But that isn’t the real meaning of the phrase “put your best foot forward.  It means to present yourself in the best way possible.  Sometimes your best won’t be as good as what others have available to give but that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try.  Always give your best and that will be enough.

I was recently offered the opportunity to spearhead a large fundraising event.  With no experience in this arena I’ll admit that I’m a bit nervous as to the outcome.   I know in my mind that the event will be wonderful and we will raise lots of money.  But I also know all the things that could go wrong or be problematic.  Those are the things that are keeping me up at night.  But I am putting my best foot forward and working hard to make sure that anything I can control is well planned, well prepared, and well executed.  If problems occur (and a few that are beyond my control will likely happen), I will be comforted in knowing that I’ve given the very best of what I have.  My best foot will have been put forward.

In fact, I’m hoping to have two best feet by then.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

To celebrate or not to celebrate?

May 2, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice…

“To celebrate or not to celebrate?”

This bit of advice is difficult for me to write because it covers one of the three topics you don’t discuss if you like to avoid controversy – money, religion, and politics.  I’ve noticed that I cover religion fairly frequently but I try to do it in a way that won’t spark debate.  Money is one I can usually keep calm as well.  But, politics?  That’s a tough one for me to write on because I am quite conservative, a bit opinionated, and convinced my beliefs are right (aren’t we all?  LOL)

I’ll start with this statement:  Death is sad.  Death is hard.  Death is a time of grieving. But death is also joyful.  Death is a time for celebration.

That seems to be a statement of conflict but that is only because death affects two different groups of people: the person who has died and those who are left behind.  For those who remain in life, the death of a loved one is sad and difficult, full of grief because we feel the loss in our own lives and hearts.  It is normal to feel sad for one’s self in the time of loss.  But, for those of us who have great faith that heaven is real and life with the Lord is to be desired, the knowledge that a loved one has finished the earthly portion of their life and has moved to live in eternal splendor is joyful.  And we can celebrate the life of that person with peace in our hearts, knowing that his or her new life in heaven is filled with love.

Death is a time for celebration.

But death and murder and not synonymous.

Murder is not a time for celebration. 

Our world is full of wonderful people but also full of evil.  We have a responsibility to keep ourselves safe from that evil and, sometimes, that means that humans must take life from others.  God does not condone murder, nor does he condone evil.  But I believe that He does not punish the good when they must take life from those who perform evil acts, impose terror on others, and threaten the lives of the innocent. 

The murder of Osama Bin Laden brings relief to all who lived in fear of his terror and evil acts.  His death protects the innocent.  But it is not a time for celebration.  Those who dance in the streets and celebrate this day as a “sweet revenge” are celebrating a murder.  I am pretty sure that Bin Laden will not pass in death to heaven – at least not the heaven I believe God has in store for all who live in his image.  If hell exists (and I’m not fully convinced of that yet), there is likely a special little room for him there.  While we celebrate the passing of a loved one from life on earth to life in heaven, the murder and passing of an evil leader to hell is not a time for celebration. 

It’s hard to watch the celebrations of Bin Laden’s murder on television and in the newspaper.  We are better people than that.  We can be relieved that his reign of terror is over or at least diminished.  We can sleep better at night knowing that his evil has been stopped.  But to rejoice that good men from our military forces had to murder another human is not what I believe is to be celebrated.

A priest (formerly of my parish) used to end a good homily with “That is all I have to say.   Is there anything you’d like to say?”  I hope you’ve taken my words in the spirit in which they were written.  I try to stay away from those three risky topics as much as possible, but this blog post needed to be put on paper and shared.

Thanks for the read.

“Put it on Paper”

April 20, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Put it on Paper”

The Scholastic Book Fair came to the girls’ school before vacation and both girls made an extensive list of special items to purchase.  I asked them to prioritize the choices since we didn’t have $50 to spend at the book fair.  Older girl ranked her items and I was surprised to see the #1 choice was a diary.  With a lock and key.  She just had to have it!  Turns out that this item was one of the most popular items at the fair, but she got lucky and got the last diary.  I’m so pleased – she has written in that diary every night and will treasure the memories that she has recorded as she gets older.

I am a journal keeper as well.  I am in the seventh year of a ten-year journal that I write in every night before I go to sleep.  I always take the time to read the previous entries and I am reminded of things I would have otherwise forgotten.  Like the time younger girl Vaselined her entire head.  Or when oldest son fell into a huge mud pit behind my parents’ house.  Or all the crazy things middle child did and still does.  I don’t write anything that I would be embarrassed for others to read and I hope the journal will be a part of my family history.  As one of my family’s “Keeper of the Genealogy”, I know the importance of this type of history.

Another important thing to put on paper is your thanks.  My children have learned from a very young age that a thank you note is required for gifts received.  Even the youngest of children can participate in the thank you note process by telling an adult or older child what to write and then signing his name or coloring on the paper.  As my kids have gotten older, they can do more of the writing and sentence creation.  I no longer proof-read all of the notes they write.  Not all of them… just some.  I’ve also taught the children that a thank you note is still important to write even if you thanked the giver personally because a note in writing can be read over and over.  It can be enjoyed and appreciated as many times as the reader wishes to read it.  Putting it on paper is just a good thing to do.

Every “bit of advice” I write is selected for a given day because of an experience I’ve had that day or during the week.  Today’s is no exception.  I’ve made no secret of the fact that I don’t like change.  I like things to stay constant and quiet without disruptions.  We’ve lived in the same house for 14 years, I still have clothes in my closet from high school and college, I don’t change brands of food, etc.

 I’ve also attended the same church for over 40 years – and that is a very long time.

Fourteen months ago, our church was assigned a new pastor and everything began to change from the very first week of his assignment.  Like me, he also finds change uncomfortable and didn’t want to adjust to the traditions and workings of his new parish so he changed them to suit himself.  These changes have continued for the entire fourteen months and so many wonderful aspects of my church are now gone.  As we enter the Triduum of holy days today (Holy Thursday, Good Friday, and Holy Saturday/Easter Vigil), I am filled with sadness and grief over traditions now lost and new practices in place that I find unpleasant.  My family has struggled with knowing how to handle this change.  Should we stay and hope that things will improve or do we look for a new church where we feel welcomed, appreciated, and loved?

The one constant we’ve had over these fourteen months is a retired priest who was assigned to our parish for many years before his retirement and who continues to assist each weekend by saying masses.  He has not changed and his presence provides a calm at mass that helps alleviate the struggles many of us have faced.  He will be presiding at mass this evening and will participate in the ceremonial “washing of the feet” of several church members.  One of the women whose feet will be washed told me the other day that she felt guilty having him wash her feet when she would have preferred to wash his.  (Happened just like that in the Bible too with Jesus and his disciples, didn’t it?).  She wanted to tell him how special he is and that he deserved to be the one sitting in the chair so I recommended she write her thoughts in a note and send it to him.   Why?  Because, if she told him verbally, he would just downplay the sentiments.  He never allows anyone to compliment him without trying to make himself a little less than what others think he is.  He does this because he is truly a man of God who wants more for others than himself.  A note sent to his home would be for him alone and he would have to accept the love with which it was written.

I felt good about giving that advice to her.  I thought about sending him a similar type of note to let him know how much he is appreciated and needed during this difficult time in our church community.  But before I could put my thoughts in writing, he beat me to it.  I received the most wonderful, yet simple, email from him this evening.   It was sent to a group of people who he knew needed his encouragement.  He talked about all of the special aspects of the Triduum that we would experience this week – events that don’t change despite the attempts of a controlling pastor who cares only for himself.  He reminded me of why I go to church and why my faith is so important to me.  And, most of all, he told me that I would be specially remembered in his prayers and at his masses.  And he means it.    These are sentiments that should have come from our own pastor, but they didn’t.   Having someone else step up and meet the needs of the people was a blessing of great value.

His words are so special and meaningful to me.  But they carry more weight because they were written and I can read them over and over.  And every time I read them I feel more and more peace.  I’m so happy to know such a wonderful man and share this Holy Week with him.

Thanks Fr. L for putting it on paper!

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Just Do A Little Bit”

April 16, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Just Do A Little Bit”

I started this blog post over a week ago.  But life has been so, so busy that I couldn’t find time to get the thoughts in order.  It’s just been one of those weeks where my schedule and responsibilities have held me underwater and refused to let me up for air.  I can hold my breath a long time but I’m ready to get some oxygen now!  Perfect time for a week of school vacation. 

So, with all this craziness, I thought “How am I ever going to get that blog post finished?”  And then, ironically, I looked back at the title I had already selected a week ago.  “Just Do A Little Bit”.  DUH!  I could just start a few paragraphs and get the rest finished later.  And I know from experience what happens when you “just do a little bit”.

I’m a perfectionist.  I am also a procrastinator.  It took me many years to realize that the main reason I procrastinate is because of the perfectionist desires.  If I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t start doing it at all.  And this has been a problem for me for a long time in many aspects of my life.  Housework, organizing, music practicing, making vacation plans, etc.  Since I figured out the perfection/procrastination connection, however, I’ve been able to try to circumvent it with the “just do a little bit” principle.

For example, our dishwasher stopped working about two years ago.  It wasn’t an old dishwasher (we’d only had it about three years when it failed to execute its assigned duties) and it never really washed all that well to start with.  To say we were disgusted with the situation is an understatement.  Rather than get it repaired or replaced, we decided to do the dishes by hand.  And we are still doing them by hand.  (Well, “we” is usually more “he”, but I do assist now and then).   When times get busy, the dishes start to collect on the counter waiting for their turn in the suds.  The crazy schedules here caused quite a big buildup of dishes recently and I felt I needed to make a dent in the collection.  I waited for a block of time when I could attack the pile but I could never get more than 10 or 15 minutes at a stretch.  Finally, I decided that I could just wash the silverware so I started the process.  But here is where the “do a little bit” principle kicks in.  Once I got the silverware washed I realized that I had a few more minutes and could probably wash the plates.  And, with those done, I realized I could still get the glasses and bowls washed.  Before long, I had the entire pile of dirty dishes washed and drying.

Same thing happened with my music practice.  I’ve been doing some piano accompanying for a local NYSSMA solo festival.  I had five rather difficult accompaniments to learn and couldn’t seem to find the hour or two necessary for practice.  I procrastinated about it for a while (quite a while) then had the bad feeling in my gut when I realized the rehearsal with the students was just a few days away and I had yet to begin my part.  “Just do a little bit” came into my mind and I sat down to play only one piece.  I did another one a few hours later.  Took two more to school with me and practiced during my lunch period.  In the end, all five pieces were ready to go without the long concentrated practice I usually endure.

As for housework, I try to apply the “just do a little bit” there too.  I’ve mentioned www.flylady.net before – FLyLady’s the one who helped me realize that my house didn’t get this way in one day and I can’t expect to fix it in one day either.  But I can do a little bit every day.  And, by doing a little bit all the time, I don’t have to spend my whole Saturday cleaning house.  I can keep the house from getting dirty instead of playing catch up later.  I really wish I had learned that concept 15 years ago!

Last weekend I had the opportunity to go for a nice country drive with my mother and sister (I’ve mentioned how much I enjoy my Sunday drives before too).  We used a driving tour book that covers highlights of the entire town.  The entire tour would take several hours and we just didn’t have that much time.  My mother suggested that we “just do a little bit” each weekend.  I love that!  Means I get to go on several Sunday drives instead of just one.  It’s a winner for me!  (And the drive that we took included a really neat old cemetery that I hadn’t known existed and I’d like to visit again).

But I know you are waiting to find out the real reason I chose this bit of advice.  Yes, I found areas in my life where the principle was applied in the last few weeks, but where did I first learn about this principle?  It came to me as my children were being potty trained and I still use it regularly with my youngest daughter to this day.  When you are ready to get in the car, and won’t have time for bathroom breaks, it is important that little ones use the potty first.  But what do you do when your child says “I don’t have to go!”?  You sit them on the potty and say “Just do a little bit”.  Have you ever tried to do just a little bit and stop there?  Haha – it’s a great parenting technique.

Hope you enjoyed the read.