"Don't let life take over"

Today's Bit of Advice....

"Don't Let Life Take Over"

Oh, blog, how I have missed you.  I've thought about you often over the last two months.  I've promised to call, promised to write, but I never did.  I've let you down.

I know I'm an excuse maker (and that is so cliche) but I really have had reasons to ignore you.  Let me list them for you (for, besides being an excellent excuse maker, I am also an excellent list maker):

1.  I am a wife.  He works hard to provide income for our family and he mows the lawn.  I provide clean clothes, warm meals, and serve as the family's personal "Google" by answering any and all questions.  I am expected to provide correct answers 24/7 in all topic areas.

2.  I am a mother of three children.  They do not provide income nor mow the lawn.  I, however, am expected to provide clean clothes, warm meals, and serve as their personal "Google".  I also serve them as nurse, chauffer, referee, shopper, maid, and barber/stylist,

3.  I own a large home.  It expects me to meet all of its needs.  Enough said.

4.  I teach music to 215 students grades preschool - 8 every week.  Eleven lesson plans taught in ten hours across two days.  That's right.

5.  I direct a school choir of 25 students that rehearses for 30 minutes a week and performs anywhere from two to six pieces each month.  

6.  I am a school board member at my daughter's school.  I also co-chair the Enrollment/Retention Committee, provide school tours, and work ten hours per week in the Development Office.

7.  I am currently chairing two fundraisers for the afore mentioned school.  One of them is next week.

8.  I teach private horn lessons to a few students.  The number of students changes quarterly so I never know exactly how many are still practicing.  Nothing new there.

9.  I am the past-president of a non-profit Board of Directors.  "Past" only in the sense that I stepped down last August after several years.  "President" in the sense that no one else stepped up and the seat is still vacant.  You know what that makes me now, right?

10.  I have to make sure our Russian Tortoise, Ivan, gets feed, walked, and bathed.  (Okay, this one is a stretch since he only eats every few days, doesn't walk anywhere, and gets a monthly splash in a bowl of water - and, he's currently hibernating)

I bet you are tired just reading that list.  I sure am.  And I'm tired when I'm not reading the list.  I'm just tired all the time.

I sat in church yesterday listening to the priest homilize (is that a real word?) about New Year's resolutions.  Too often, we set resolutions that are broken in the first week if not on the first day.  He encouraged us to set more realistic and positive resolutions that will really enhance our lives.  It caused me to think about how much I do for others and how little I do for myself.  During airplane safety demonstrations they always tell the parent to use the oxygen mask first and then place it on the child.  If the parent is not taken care of, he or she cannot care for the child.

I haven't been using the oxygen mask.  In fact, I may have been forgetting to breathe at all.

So, for today, the girls are off at a playdate and my son is at the movies.  I am in my home ALONE.  And I'm breathing.  I'm doing what I need to do to make myself feel rested, relaxed, and rejuvinated.  I'm taking care of me.

And it feels wonderful!

Thanks for the read.

"Finish What You Start"

October 18, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Finish What You Start”

Every night, as I’m lying in bed waiting to fall asleep, I take stock of my day – the good, the bad, the goals I have for my life, the things I wish I’d gotten done, and the half-finished projects I’ve abandoned.  I have a life pattern of working on many things at one time.  They all get finished eventually but I walk away from the projects too often to take care of more urgent work, to make dinner, or just to go to sleep as the night gets late.

Fortunately for me, I (almost always) finish those projects at some point.  I prioritize them by importance or due date and give myself a little shove to get it done.  Most of the time, it doesn’t take nearly the amount of effort or hours that I expect it will take.

I know some people who have half-finished projects that never come to completion.  Maybe they have too many great ideas and a lack of time or drive to get them done.  Maybe they only have the starting ideas but don’t know how to bring the rest of the project together.  Maybe they just forgot to finish.  Whatever the reason, use this advice as an impetus to look around and find out what you’ve let sit on the back burner for too long.  You know what happens to pots that boil dry?  They start to smoke and warp!

You are probably wondering how I came to choose this bit of advice today.  A friend from Facebook (who also has a blog) posted the following opening statement to her blog post today: “I have not written in a while – a LONG while.  Not because I didn’t want to, just didn’t have much to say”.  And that statement was so true for me in my life too.  I love writing this blog and I try to faithfully write at least once a week.  The fact that my last published blog post was on September 13^th (a month and five days ago) indicates a little problem to my faithful writing.  And, I included the words “published blog post” which should tell you something else.  I’ve written a few entries but didn’t actually finish them and didn’t post them.  I did want to write and publish the posts – I think I was too busy teaching and mothering to have anything left to say here.

What was that advice of mine?  Finish what you start? LOL

Thanks to my dear FB friend, I put fifteen minutes aside and got this blog post written and ready to post.  I have the beginnings of three more that I will aim to finish up in the next few days.  It really won’t take much to just buckle down and get those half-finished projects completed.  The hardest part is getting started and the rest just happens.

Try it.  I think you’ll be pleased with the result.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Don’t Stop Looking for Angels”

September 13, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Don’t Stop Looking for Angels”

When was the last time you saw an angel?  No, I don’t mean a picture of one in a children’s bible or on a Valentine’s Day card.  A real angel.    For most people the answer to this question is “never”.   I’ll admit it – I’ve never seen an angel with wings or multiple faces or a bright shiny aura.  But I have indeed seen angels and I know for a fact that their influence in our lives is indelible.

I’ve been thinking about the earthly presence of angels quite a bit lately.  Over the summer I started reading Debbie Macomber’s book “God’s Guest List; Welcoming Those Who Influence Our Lives”.  This modest book brings the reader to really think about those people who have made a difference in our lives.  People we know well, people we only meet for a brief moment, those who live among us, and those who have passed on.  Macomber describes these people as the ones that God has put on the guest list of the dinner party that is your life.  She challenges the reader to develop a list of thirty people who are on that guest list.  At first, I had some difficulty coming up with more than six or seven names but, as the summer went along (and I kept renewing the book from the library), I was able to see the influence of others that I had not initially considered.

We often overlook the presence of these angels in our lives.  Those people who have made permanent impacts on who we are and what we do.  It is no fluke that their paths have crossed with ours.  That’s the job of an angel.  Macomber writes in her summary that “often we don’t recognize the deep impact others have had and how God has used them to shape us into who we are.  By pausing to recognize these influences, we begin to grasp how God’s guest list has impacted our lives.  We begin to see the seeds of influence that have molded our values and character.”

We should never stop looking for the angels in our lives.

A colleague shared a story with me today about an encounter with an angel.  I’m not sure she even realized she had an angel in her presence but I knew immediately as she spoke about her experience.  She went to a new church on Sunday – one that was close to home, where she might see some familiar faces, and where the mass would not likely be much different from her usual setting.  But the presence of the priest at that church changed everything about her church experience that day.  His words about the readings on forgiveness brought meaning to her that she had never received before despite hearing the same readings many times over in the past.  He spoke directly to her as if none of the other people were in the room.  He impacted her life in a permanent way that created a deep and profound change to the way that she had been looking at a stressful and difficult situation.   He was the angel that she needed at this time.  He was the angel she almost didn’t recognize.

I had my own encounter with angels this week when the right rear tire of my car blew out while I was driving 55mph on the interstate during commuter traffic coming home from work.  I heard the sound of the blow out and quickly felt the tire flatten (and smelled the burning rubber!).  Pulling to the side of the highway, I started to run the situation through my mind. How would I meet the kids at the bus?  My roadside assistance expired last week – how will I get the tire changed?  Am I far enough off the road that I will be safe from traffic?

But I can honestly say that I was not stressed about the situation at any time.  How is that possible given the fact that I am stressed and anxious about pretty much everything in my life?

As I parked the car on the side of the road, I remember looking up and saying aloud “Lord, help me”.  I lowered my eyes and saw a car backing down the shoulder of the road toward me.  Before I could get out of the car to check the tire, a young man in his 20’s wearing an auto mechanic’s uniform came to my car and asked if he could help.   He was able to find and release the jack and spare tire, then began the process of removing my flat tire.  As soon as he ran into a problem (the flat tire would not come off the car), a DOT Help Truck pulled behind my car.  The driver had started his help patrol only 5 minutes before.  He was able to finish the job of changing out the tire and getting me on the way to the Tire Center.

There is no explanation for the almost instant appearance of these two men other than the presence of angels.  I didn’t get lucky and happen to get a flat tire in just the right place.  I was given a gift.

When my daughter was in Kindergarten, her entire school sang a song together at the Christmas Concert with a beautiful slideshow in the background.  I think I cried through the whole song because the combination of the pictures and music were so touching.  Every time I hear that song, I’m reminded to pay attention to those special people around us.  The ones who are sent to us and who we need to look for and recognize.

Don’t stop looking for angels.

 “I believe there are angels among us, sent down to us from somewhere up above.  They come to you and me in our darkest hours.  To show us how to live, to teach us how to give.  To guide us with the light of love.  Ain’t it kind of funny that at the dark end of the road.  Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.  They wear so many faces; show up in the strangest places.  To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need.” – Alabama (1993)

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Always have a Co-Pilot”

September 5, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Always have a Co-Pilot”

Today is Labor Day and that means a picnic at the Barrow House for the family (my sister insists that we always host an event on Federal Holidays – LOL!)  In order to put together a dinner for the masses, however, I had to take a trip to the grocery store.  Not something I enjoy doing on a Federal Holiday.  Just too many people there with long checkout lines.  But, nonetheless, I had to get that shopping done so on I went.

I was only in the store just a few minutes when I noticed something I had never seen at the market before.  A man was shopping with a list on his ipad!  I always shop with a list too but mine is on a piece of scrap paper attached to a clipboard.  His was beautifully arranged by aisle with boxes to check off when items were safely placed into the cart.  And then he told me the best part of the ipad list – if his wife thinks of another item that needs to be picked up, she can log on to the list from home and add it while he is at the store.  How cool is that?

After getting all my groceries bagged up and deposited in the back of my car, I headed for home.  I live in a town that has the great distinction of being the home of the roundabouts.  If you aren’t familiar with roundabouts let me tell you about them.  Roundabout is a British word that describes a junction of two or more roads where traffic moves in one direction around a central island (Thanks Wikipedia for help with that definition).  Roundabouts are supposed to be safer for automobiles and pedestrians and most statistics do show that.  But, if you’ve ever driven through a roundabout, you may not think it’s the safest thing.  We got our first roundabout a few years ago and it took some time to get used to driving through it safely.  Since that first roundabout we have added many more in our town.  In fact, between my home and the grocery store, I have to drive through three roundabouts if I go one route and four if I go the other.  And there are more being built as I type.

Today, as I approached the second of the roundabouts on the trip home, I had to wait to enter as a car was making its way around the circle.  The driver appeared to be confused about where to go to access the interstate.  A woman in the passenger seat was straining to point out signs indicating the correct lane and exit.  She was using greatly exaggerated hand gestures to show the driver the way to go. (And, I must admit, she looked a mite nervous herself!).  Fortunately, the car and its passengers made it safely through the roundabout and were soon on their way to easier roads.

Once home I had many bags of groceries to unload, food to prepare, and a house to clean.  Despite the need to get these tasks done before my guests arrived, I had an important professional obligation to meet.  I went to my computer and wrote an email to a first year teacher at my school (oh, I did put away the frozen food first – priorities!).  She is very excited about her new job and I know she’ll do a fabulous job in the classroom but she’s really feeling pressure to prepare perfect lesson plans and perform like a veteran teacher on her first day of school.  This pressure is mostly self-imposed and is quickly wearing her out.  I decided to share some wisdom earned through my own attempts to be “perfect” in the classroom over the years.  I felt she needed to know that she was not alone in her efforts but that there are also other ways to approach a brand new teaching position.  I worded my email carefully to let her know that I would be happy to serve as a mentor for her if she chose.  She emailed me back a few hours later and was very appreciative for the advice.  I’m hoping the encouragement will be helpful to her.

So, what does all this have to do with my advice for today?  Always have a co-pilot.  Don’t trust your memory to retain all the items that you need to purchase at the store.  Trust me when I tell you that you will always forget something (and it will probably be the bread, milk, or eggs!).  Use a list – use an awesome list that others can update while you are at the store!  Don’t try to navigate a roundabout in an unfamiliar town.  You need a partner who can read the signs and point out the right paths.  Don’t try to go it alone at a new job.  Find a colleague who will hold your hand (figuratively, not physically) and keep you going straight.  It is important.  Really important.

Everyone needs a co-pilot.  We can try to go it alone but we will never have the success that a good co-pilot can provide.  Get yourself one.

Hope you enjoyed the read.

(Today’s installment brought to you through the inspiration of my friend, Mark.  Eventually all my friends will probably make it into my blog somewhere!)

“Spell Words Correctly”

August 1, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice….

“Spell Words Correctly”

This advice may sound a bit preachy or snobbish (or, more likely, hypocritical since I do have a close relationship with the automatic spell check and correct feature of my word processer).  I believe that there is a strong connection between an individual’s ability to spell words correctly and the perceived overall intelligence and wisdom of said individual.  You could have a very high IQ yet your inability to spell words correctly will lead others to believe that you are under-educated and they may not take you seriously.

For example:  I was just reading an essay about a woman who was cleaning her house.  She mentioned that she had spent the morning cleaning her cubbords and draws.  Whether you like it or not, you’ve created an image of this woman in your mind based on her ability to spell correctly.  (And if you still haven’t figured out what she was cleaning, re-read those words and say them out loud).

But is it really a spelling issue?  Perhaps it is a lifestyle issue.  Growing up, this woman’s family may have always pronounced the words as “cubbords” and “draws”.  We’ve just experienced an entire generation of children for whom spelling words correctly was not enforced.  The Whole Language Movement didn’t stress spelling as strongly as others aspects of language development.  Maybe the woman was just doing what she was taught.

It may be wrong of me but I use spelling errors as a guide in shopping for a deal.  When I was in the market to buy a good, used band instrument for our son I went to Craigslist and searched for a “saxaphone”.  If you don’t know how to spell it, you might also not know exactly what the value of the item really is. 

While poking around Craigslist I found many other items of interest like:
• Popozon chairs
• Armwars
• Steros
• A Shower Enclosurey

There are common spelling mistakes that many of us make from time to time like its vs. it’s, and effect vs. affect.   But adults really should know how to properly use accept vs. except, advice vs. advise, who’s vs. whose, then vs. than, etc.   

Two mistakes I often see that drive me really nuts are passed vs. past and quiet vs. quite.  I always cringe when I read “My grandma past away on Saturday.”  Or “I couldn’t get the kids to quite down.” 

I’m complaining about spelling errors but I have to admit that sometimes children’s spelling errors can be quite cute.   They spell words exactly the way they sound.  I was eating lunch in the staff room at school one day when a teacher brought in a paper written by a 3rd grade student.  The assignment dealt with foods that we eat at different meals.  The student had included “paskete” as a dinner food.  The teacher could not decipher the word and asked the other teachers at the table to give it a shot.  Took a few minutes but we got it.  Can you?

Hope you enjoyed the read! 

"Warn people and do 15 minutes"

July 21, 2011

Today’s Bits of Advice…

1.       “Warn people before you take a blog break – They might miss you.”

2.       “Do what you can for 15 minutes.”

I don’t usually give a double bit of advice.  I do have a lot of advice but I write my extra advice in a list to use in the event I have writer’s block – haha!  But today called for a little extra advice because it has been so long since I’ve taken the time to write.   This has been a strange summer “vacation” for me and I’m still having trouble getting settled into any type of routine.  Summer seemed to come on too quickly without they typical end of the school year wind-down.  I just wasn’t ready for this!  And my blogging has fallen by the wayside as I’ve tried to figure out what I’m doing.

I knew it had been more than a week since I had added a bit of advice but, honestly, I didn’t think anyone had noticed.  I really don’t know how many people read my blog but my guess would be three.  Maybe four on a good day.  Tonight, a friend mentioned to me that she has been checking daily for the next blog entry and hadn’t found any in quite a while.   Wow!  Maybe I have five or six followers. So, in honor of Mary (don’t all my friends like to see their name mentioned at least once here?), I recommend to all my blogging friends that you send out a warning before you take a blog break. Don’t leave people hanging, wondering when the next great word of wisdom will arrive.  Let your friends know they can go on vacation without worry that they’ll miss something.  J

After Mary mentioned that she had been looking for a new nugget of advice I asked her what she thought I should write about.  She didn’t have to think too long.  Quickly she came up with “Tell me how to get my kids to clean up their rooms”.  So, Mary, my advice is “tell them to do what they can for 15 minutes”.  Sometimes the project looks too big and it’s easier to pretend the mess doesn’t exist (as if that’s really possible!).  But spending 15 minutes on a small part of the problem and seeing the results is a good start.  It makes the next 15 minutes seem possible.  And, after spending a few of these 15 minutes chunks of time on the mess, the rest just gets easier.

We’ve lived this advice in our home this week.  Our daughter decided this would be a good week to “tidy up” her bedroom.  Apparently she was not fazed by the fact that temps are in the upper 90’s and the heat index is hovering around 110F!  Our upstairs rooms are NOT pleasant in that kind of weather.  She started with her closet, moved to the bookcase and clothing armoire, and ended up with the under bed mess.  Instead of working on one small area, she tackled large spaces that were impossible to complete in short bursts of effort.  By the end of the day, she had everything pulled out on her floor, could not get to the bed, and had nowhere to sleep.  She was not happy and could not figure out how to recover from this new problem.  Today, we implemented the 15 minute principle and are slowly putting the room back together (with the help of a window AC unit!).  The room is not finished but it is on its way.  Remembering to only pull out what you can complete in a reasonable amount of time is such good advice to bringing about a successful outcome on this or any other challenging problem.

So that’s my advice for the day.  For the week.  Oh heck, my advice for half a month.  I’m sure I’ll get on a better schedule soon!

Hope you enjoyed the read.

“Shop With Your Eyes”

July 7, 2011

Today’s Bit of Advice…

“Shop With Your Eyes”

My children are able to quote many of my bits of advice despite the fact that they are rarely able to follow the advice without many, many reminders.  The one I’ve ingrained most into their heads over the last few days is “Shop With Your Eyes.”  There is a second half to that quote that I don’t always add since the first half seems to be enough: “Not with your hands”.

Seems that we cannot get through any store without the kids stopping every 18 inches to touch the merchandise.  It really doesn’t matter what the store sells -grocery store, drug store, Target, Walmart, hardware store, furniture store.  They have to feel the fabrics, smell the items, pick up things, sit on sofas, and see if you can flush display toilets.  And on and on.

I remind and remind that we need to shop with our eyes and only use our hands when necessary to check the price, size, or comfort of items we actually intend to purchase.  This habit of shopping with our eyes makes running errands incredibly time consuming.  Today we had to pick up four items at Target yet it took over 30 minutes to get out of the store.  I had children checking out bikinis, carrying toys through the store with the hope that Mom would buy them, reading Wii game boxes, sniffing toothpaste options and the like.  This doesn’t even include what happens in the checkout line with all the candy, gum, and toy selections right up against our cart.  That’s touch city!

Shop with your eyes, not your hands.

For adults the same advice is actually quite helpful.  Have you ever noticed how much easier it is buying something once you’ve touched it?  It’s as if you start to own the item in your mind just by picking it up off the shelf or rack.  I can go in a store with the intention of only buying one item and then fill a cart just because I started touching things.

Since I’ve been doling out the “shop with your eyes” advice to the kids, I have had more pressure to model the same behavior myself.  It really does help me keep my money in my wallet.  I look for deals and still buy some spontaneously but it is much easier to remember what I went to the store to buy this way.

Shop with your eyes, not your hands.

Try it.  I bet you’ll find that it works.  And think of all the great deals you can get with all the money you save!

I’m off to the Farmer’s Market this afternoon.  What is the chance I’m not going to pick up some fruits and vegetables to check them for their wonderful smell? Or the cheese bread that I’ll have to touch?  LOL – sometimes you have to shop with your hands (and nose) anyway!

Hope you enjoyed the read.